


These Mountains To Move

by verlore_poplap (orphan_account)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Drama, Eventual Smut, Famous!Even, Humor, Isak Doesn't Need This Shit, M/M, Paparazzi, Protect Isak Valtersen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2018-11-06 11:53:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11035668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/verlore_poplap
Summary: Isak's not even sixteen yet and his life's already screwed. Apparently that Hollywood actor guy-- Even Bech Næsheim-- is his soulmate? Excuse him but...what the hell?!





	1. Prologue

In one month, two weeks and four days at exactly 21:21 on Sunday, June 21st, 2015 - Isak Valtersen will turn sixteen years old and the name of his soulmate will appear on his wrist - and well...

He'll be completely fucked. 

Here's the thing that no one else in the world knows about Isak: 

He likes boys, not girls. Maybe. _Probably._

No, that's bullshit. 

He's gay. He's fucking gay.

He's _so fucking gay_ and he has the internet porn history on his phone (that he keeps forgetting to freaking delete) to prove it. 

But again...no one else in the world knows that. 

Oh, but they will. They'll know. 

Every one of his friends (which is actually just Jonas, let's be real) and everyone at school and his parents (his mom!) will know because...

In one month, two weeks and four days at exactly 21:21 on Sunday, June 21st, 2015 - Isak's soulmate will be revealed. 

The person who was made for him, the person he was destined to be with, bond with, love and cherish and all that other good shit and they'll be perfect for Isak, perfect and every way...

And they'll be a guy...because of course they'll be a fucking guy because how is anyone without a dick supposed to be perfect for Isak? He's fucking gay for fuck's sake!

It shouldn't even be an issue, Isak doesn't understand why it still is. Like. Just because two people who bang can't make babies from said banging doesn't mean there's something _wrong_ with it, you know? With the banging. Because _there it is,_ right there, for the world to see. Engraved on their skin in the form of one another's names: _these two people, despite having the same reproductive organs, are cosmically designed by the universe, in all it's infinite wisdom, to be perfect for each other._

Instead...

Instead it's been a reason to isolate...

A reason to ridicule, mock and harass...

A reason to hurt and kill or imprison - for so many centuries - 

Just because of a name on your wrist. 

Even if you never did anything. Even if you never met them. Even if you never touched. 

It's supposed to be different now, of course. 

This is the modern age. People are much more civilized. More accepting. 

Same sex soul mates can live openly, love freely and even get married. And that's all great, obviously. Sure beats being put to death on your sixteenth birthday. Isak's well aware of that, thank you.

But while most people like to pretend that everything is completely fine now. That it's just as _easy_ for gay people as it is for straight people. Who say stuff like, "It's 2015, why are people still hiding in the closet?"

Isak knows it's not that simple. 

It just isn't.

He's fucking terrified and...

He isn't ready.

Isn't prepared for the whole world to find out this thing about him, for everything to change, the way people see him, treat him, he isnt - he's not - 

He isn't _ready._

And he hates that it doesn't matter, hates that he doesn't have a choice. Hates the mark, the letters that will appear on his skin, and sometimes, when he's feeling really really angry, he even hates _them._

His soulmate. His _one._ His perfect person. 

Isak doesn't want to know his name. 

But in one month, two weeks and four days at exactly 21:21 on Sunday, June 21st, 2015...

He will.

___

Except that's not what happens.

Instead there's this:

One month, two weeks and four days before his sixteenth birthday at around 08:00 in the morning Isak opens up the front door to his house in an effort to get to school. 

Only to be immediately accosted by screaming people, men, women and a bunch of crying girls, cameras and microphones shoved in his face and one fucking question:

"Isak, how does it feel knowing you're Even Bech Næsheim's soulmate?!"

_What the fuck?_

They keep asking it, over and over again, all of them. It's the one they keep repeating the most, although Isak hears a few other questions thrown in as well...

_Where were you when you found out?_

_What was your first meeting like?_

_Were you always a fan of his movies?_

_When will you be moving to Los Angeles to be with him?_

_What is like having such a famous soulmate?_

Isak has no idea how long he's just been standing there, stock still in shock, when his mother pulls him back into the house, slamming the door behind him. 

"What the hell?" He asks, and that's when his mother drags him through the foyer, into the livingroom, where the television is on and saying that...

Saying that... 

"There must be some mistake," Isak's mother says but Isak can only listen to the news person and the excited rambling coming out of her mouth...

_...has confirmed that Isak Valtersen, a fifteen year old young man from Oslo, Norway - coincidentally the city of Even's birth before his family relocated to New York in 2002 - is the soulmate of the famous child actor turned troubled, Hollywood heart throb who made his name in films such as..._

"Switch it off," Isak tells his mother.

"Breathe, Isak, I'm sure there's an explanation for this..." 

Isak ignores her, looking for the remote control...

_The name of the eighteen year old actor's soulmate was revealed when an altercation with a paparazzi in the early hours of this morning became physical outside of a club in..._

The screen goes black.

Outside, the loudness of the commotion continues.

"I was supposed to have more time," Isak says.

The noise seems to get quieter, dulled and far away...

"I'm not - I was supposed to have more time," he repeats...

As black begins to cloud his vision. 

"I was..." 

He trails off...

Someone catches him before he hits the ground.


	2. Damsel

Isak blinks his eyes open and groans, his head foggy like it sometimes is when he's snuck one too many beers with Jonas. He rolls over and, as awareness returns to him, realizes he isn't in his bed. He's on the couch in the living room. _Huh._

"Hey, man, you're awake," someone says and Isak would recognize that voice anywhere. His stomach fills a little bit with a warmth... that he immediately tries to push down but he's too confused, too disoriented to manage it completely. So he clings to the familiarity that is Jonas' presence because if he's here with Isak, then Isak is probably okay. Even if he feels like he isn't. 

He sits up, feeling stiff, sweaty in his jeans and hoodie. He wonders if Jonas has been watching him sleep or whatever. But he's got his phone in his hands so that's probably a nope on that. "What's up?" Isak's voice chokes a little bit, although he isn't thinking about why that is. Why he feels like he's two seconds away from bursting into tears, crying like a little bitch. 

"Well..." Jonas shrugs, "I came over here, you know. Through the back door 'cause... _Yeah._ And then you fainted like a damsel in distress and I caught you," he smiles, looking really impressed with himself. Isak reaches behind himself for one of his mom's throw pillows and aims it at his best friend's curly mop. He misses and Jonas laughs at him. 

"Asshole," Isak quietly says, mostly to his lap, where tugging on this fingers seems like the most important thing he needs to do right now. 

"Isak, man...you um. You alright?" 

Isak shrugs, doesn't look up. He doesn't know how to answer that. Jonas knows now. The whole world does and there isn't anything that Isak can do to change that. It just is what it is and he kinda wants to hide from it, like. Forever. But Jonas is still here...still asking if he's okay. Maybe that means that he doesn't hate Isak. Not yet, at least. 

"Where's my mom?" Isak asks, finally looking up at Jonas, even though his voice shakes and his eyes sting a little bit. He isn't surprised that she left, that she left him... but he still wants to know where she went. 

"In her room, talking to someone on the phone, I don't know who. But she's been in there for a while now."

"Okay," Isak nods his head. 

There's still people outside. He can hear them, the indistinguishable white noise of a crowd. Outside of Isak's _house._ "What the fuck am I going to do, Jonas?" 

His friend sighs, "I don't know, man. But there's gotta be, like, laws or something? People can't just set up outside a fifteen year old kid's house like this and stalk him and stuff. Maybe your mom's talking to the police?"

"Maybe," Isak says. He wasn't talking about that. Well. He was _kinda_ talking about that but mostly he meant the general cluster fuck that his life just turned into. "What are... What are people saying?"

"People?" 

"Yeah, like the kids at school and stuff?"

"I mean, I found out from Ingrid. She saw some stuff on Facebook," Isak's stomach tightens, "I guess it's kind of everywhere."

"So everyone knows," Isak says. "That I'm..."

"Even Bech Næsheim's soulmate?" Isak tries not to flich at the name. He barely succeeds. "Yeah, I guess pretty much."

"No, that I'm..." Isak still can't say it. It's stupid. Jonas knows. The whole world knows. His mom and dad know. He doesn't know why he's afraid of the word leaving his mouth...but he is. 

"Oh," Jonas' face goes soft, sympathic. Isak looks for anything besides genuine concern - anger, disappointment or pity - but he doesn't find it. He doesn't know what that means yet, doesn't want to just assume it means Jonas is okay with Isak being gay but...he'll take it for now. "I'm sorry that it happened this way, man. You don't deserve this. It's such fucking bullshit," and this time he does sound angry but not _at_ Isak but on his behalf. Isak doesn't do anything as stupid as swoon. He already had one fainting spell today.

That's when his mom comes back, into the living room. She looks tired and stressed. Isak's stomach sinks with guilt. She looks at him and he wants to hide. "Oh, my baby," she says, and then she's on the couch with him, pulling him into her arms. Isak tenses but only for a second. "It's okay, Isak. I promise. We'll...whatever happens, you'll be okay."

"Mama," he says, voice breaking a little. He sees from the corner of his eye, as much as he can with his head buried in his mom's chest, that Jonas leaves the room. "I'm sorry, mom," and he cries then, because...he can't keep it in. His head hurts and his throat. And she's holding him now - probably because she thinks it's just a mix up. That Isak isn't really like that. That he isn't really gay. "Mama, I'm sorry."

"No, no," she says, shifting them both, her hands coming to rest on Isak's cheeks, as she looks into his green eyes with her own. "Listen to me. Are you listening?"

Isak nods his head.

"Isak, you don't need to be sorry. For _anything._ If anyone should be apologising here, it's me. If you for one second thought that you could be anything, do anything, to make me love you less. There isn't anything that could, okay? Nothing in the world can stop you being my son."

"Even if it's..." Isak sniffles, wipes at his nose, "If it's true that I'm...that I'm gay?"

"Even then," his mother says, with absolute conviction. Like she's willing Isak to believe her. "You're my son and even then," she says, before hugging him again. 

Isak doesn't stop crying, not for a while. Not even as his mother rocks and sushes him, telling him she'll love him forever and always. 

From outside, the murmuring white noise continues to hang loudly in the air. 

___

 

Obviously Isak can't go to school that day and Jonas decides he can't either. 

"I'm the only person you talk to in the whole school, dude. I'll be freaking swarmed for info and even if I did know shit, which I don't, there's no way I'm telling them anything."

Jonas bumps his shoulder against Isak's as they sit on his bedroom floor, PlayStation controllers in their hands. He's been kicking Isak's ass at FIFA all morning and while he usually does because he's way better at this game than Isak (not that Isak would ever admit that) he's been kicking Isak's ass extra hard today. One would think, with the way Isak's life has turned into a massive shit pile, Jonas would at least let him win a few games.

His mom calls them to eat periodically during the day but for the most part she leaves them alone. When Isak and Jonas come out of his room to get dinner, Isak hears - or doesn't hear - that the white noise is gone.

"They finally gave up?" He asks. 

"Some people came and sorted it out a few hours ago," his mom supplies. 

"What people?"

"People," she reiterates, "Come on, eat your dinner."

Afterwards she says, "Jonas, you can spend the night if you want to but I need to talk alone with Isak for a few minutes."

"I think I'm gonna head home in another couple of hours but thanks, Mrs. Valtersen."

Isak nods at Jonas, knowing he'll probably fill him in on whatever his mom has to say. Or maybe they'll just do what they've been doing all day which is to say - ignoring this whole insane situation. 

"What's going on?" Isak asks, when he hears his bedroom door closing. 

"I've been talking to some uh... _people,"_ again with the freaking people. "...from America. Who work with him."

"Him?" Isak frowns. 

"Even Bech Næsheim."

Oh. 

"Oh."

It wasn't like Isak forgot. Like. That would be freaking impossible but...he also hasn't thought about it. That this guy. Even Bech Næsheim. Is his soulmate.

"What does he want?" Isak asks, dread filling his stomach. He's fucked. He's the younger of the two of them so yeah. _The law is the law_ and all that good shit. 

"It doesn't matter," Isak's mom says, "You're still fifteen and...I know they're insisting that it's a fact that you're...that you're _his_ but..." She glances to Isak's left wrist. His bare wrist. "We don't know that yet, for sure. So. He doesn't have any claim over you. Legal or otherwise."

"So he's like...okay?" Isak asks. Doesn't really know why. He knows that mate suffering can't occur if one of the soulmates is still underage. Which Isak is and they've never met, never _touched_ so yeah. The dude is perfectly fine. Isak doesn't get why he's even concerned. He has no reason to be. 

"He's okay," his mom pets Isak's hand. "And you have no obligation to talk to him or interact with him until...not unless his name does appear on you."

"Does he want to?" Isak can't keep himself from asking. "Did he uh. Ask. To talk to me?"

His mom clearly hesitates for a second...before she shakes her head. "His people..." there's that word again, "...didn't say anything to that affect. Just that they'll make sure you're not harassed by um..."

"Paparazzi?"

"Gosh," his mom shakes her head, "I can't believe.... Yes. Them and other people who might want to...nevermind. You'll be safe. That's all that matters."

___

"No," Isak says.

"Isak," his mom hisses at him. 

The guy stands there... completely impassive. He's fucking huge and he...

He _scares_ Isak, okay?

"I don't need a bodyguard." Just saying that sounds ridiculous. Not more ridiculous than a guy wearing a full suit and black sunglasses and an earpiece, standing in Isak's living room, and telling him he's escorting him to school. _What the fuck?_

"Mr. Um..."

Isak imagines he sees a slight smirk on the guy's mouth but it's there and gone so fast, he knows he imagined it. 

"James," the guy says. "You can call me James, Mr. Valtersen."

"You should call me Isak, dude. I mean James. I mean. Is this really _necessary?"_ Isak asks again, turning to his mom. The kids at school are going to give him so much shit for this. 

"Mr. Bech Næsheim felt it was a necessary precaution," the guy - James - says. Isak ignores the mention of his alleged soulmate. "Your mother agreed."

Isak tries not to glare at her completely unapologetic face. 

She nods her head. "We're just trying to keep you safe, Isak."

We. 

We as in...

For fuck's sake. 

This is fucking ridiculous. Even Bech Næsheim is _not_ concerned about Isak's safety, okay? That's just not a thing that's possible to occur in the natural world. Fuck. Isak feels like he's been Twilight Zoned into another dimension or alternate universe or something.

"Okay, James," Isak sighs. "Guess we're doing this thing."

James does his not-a-smirk thing again and for some reason it relaxes Isak slightly. 

"Nothing about this makes any fucking sense," Isak says to no one in particular as he stands in front of the impressive looking black Mercedes Benz in their driveway.

James gives him a look. "Waiting for me to open the door for you?"

"Ugh," Isak opens up the passenger side and gets in. 

It's not even 08:00 in the morning and this day already fucking sucks.


	3. Poster

Isak slams the bathroom stall door behind himself before he sits down on the closed toilet seat. It feels cold against his ass, even through his jeans but he also feels too warm in his jacket so he takes it off and throws it on the ground. He buries his fingers in his hair, tugging slightly and leans forward so his elbows rest on his knees. Isak does everything - _every single thing he can think of_ \- to force air into his lungs. To just breathe. 

Right now everything hurts-- his chest, his body, _everything_ and at the same time he's also oddly numb. Isak knows what this is. It's not his first time having a panic attack, after all. Not even close. 

He doesn't mean to start crying but it happens anyway. It doesn't make the whole trying to breathe thing any easier and if someone came into the bathroom right now, it wouldn't just be the sound of Isak hyperventilating giving him away but the wrecked sobs that shake his body as well. He feels like a fucking disaster. 

His phone rings from where it skidded onto the tiles after slipping out of his jacket pocket when Isak threw it on the floor. It flashes that guy's name. _James._ The bodyguard. Isak should answer because that's what he arranged with James. _You call, I answer but it works both ways, kid._ But Isak doesn't, let's it go to voicemail instead. James calls two more times before he stops. 

Isak tries to concentrate on getting himself under control so he can call the dude back and for a few minutes there's just the sound of his heavy breathing. He groans when he hears his cellphone ring again. He doesn't feel completely okay to talk to someone he just met this morning but-- he thinks he's okay enough to grunt out that he's alive. Except when he picks it up, his display reads _Mama_ instead of _Guy from MIB_ Isak only hesitates for a few seconds before he answers. 

"Mama?" He says and the sob trapped in his chest dislodges itself. Isak immediately feels stupid. So fucking stupid. 

"Isak?" His mom sounds frantic. Obviously James got to her and made her panic unnecessarily. "Where are you? James says he can't find you."

"I'm in-- " Isak tries to stop crying so he can talk. And like. Reassure her that he's fine. Everything is just peachy. "The bathroom-- " He hiccups another sob and groans in frustration. "I can't," he finally admits, "I don't wanna be here, mama. _Please."_

"Oh, my darling. What happened?"

Isak doesn't want to answer her question, he really doesn't. Because if he does, if he tells her, he'll feel so fucking stupid. Even more than he already does... because it isn't anything big-- is the thing-- not really. He's just being stupid and it's just-- it's just a few (so many) eyes on him and some (a lot of) whispers...

It's one hard shove and muttered "fag" and a group of girls cornering him on the landing of the staircase that takes him from his Math class to History. The kind of girls he knows he would have found pretty if there wasn't something wrong with him.

But there is something wrong with him and they know that - everyone knows that about him now - because they know about the soulmate thing and it makes them spit out words like, _You really think you're his soulmate?_ and _You're stupid if you think you're anything special._

One of them touches his hair, pulling at a curl and saying, _You're too ugly, Isak._ She laughs and tells him, _You're just being fucking pathetic._

The first girl frowns in confusion, _You really believe he'd want you? You actually think that?_ She's standing much too close to him, when she adds, _You realize this is just some sort of mix-up right?_

Another girl grabs his bare wrist, staring down at the bruise that's forming on his pale skin and says, _No way his name will appear here, no way he's actually yours._

 _I know,_ Isak thinks. _I know._

And, for a moment, she looks genuinely concerned when she says, _You're gonna be such a laughing stock when this is over._

And then, _Are you actually crying right now, you freak?_

Isak wasn't but he was close enough to tears that it didn't matter that he wasn't so he did what he should have done minutes ago when he first realized that his mouth wasn't able to form any words in his own defense.

He ran away like a coward and found a place to hide. 

"I can't be here," he cries into the phone. "Mama, I want to come home."

"It's okay," she sushes him. "It's okay, Isak. You can come home."

___

Isak doesn't go back to school for the rest of the week. 

His mom is obviously reluctant to leave him alone at home to go to work, even with James around to make sure that no one comes too close to the house. Isak knows she's not just worrying about his safety but his mental state as well. 

He can't blame her. 

He doesn't want to leave his room, he doesn't want to eat and he can't sleep. It's worse than he thought. This whole soulmate thing. So much worse than he ever imagined. Sometimes he'll stare at his wrist and feel like a drama queen and other times he can't stop crying because it's all so fucking unfair. 

He knows he shouldn't, knows better than to do it, but he does it anyway-- goes on Facebook and Instagram and reads the comments and posts to and about him. 

There's a lot of people saying nice things and it's weird. These people don't even know Isak and it feels so fake. But of course there's also a bunch of angry, nasty shit. Things that echo all the stuff those girls said to him. It shouldn't make him feel bad in the same way that the good comments don't make him feel better. But Isak reads them and he cries. When Jonas finds out about it, he takes Isak's phone and makes all his accounts private. 

"Why didn't I think of that?" Isak mumbles into his pillow. 

"You're an idiot," Jonas says, getting on Isak's bed with him. 

Jonas spoons him. It's the weirdest fucking thing. A week ago Isak's heart would have raced like mad in his chest. He probably would have gotten a boner too. 

"You're also alone under deep emotional distress and you don't need any of this shit in your life," Jonas tells him. 

"James and my mom say people have been in your face," Isak says, "...trying to get you to say stuff about me to like, reporters and stuff."

Like the other kids at school have. People who don't even know Isak but spill every detail they can think of about him for two minutes in front of a camera.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Isak asks.

Jonas sighs, "Dude, you're dealing with enough and I'm just so-- _ugh."_

"What?" Isak asks. 

"Where is he in all of this? This is all his fault and he hasn't even contacted you!"

"Who?" Isak asks, "Even?"

"Yeah."

"He asked for this about as much as I did, Jonas. He doesn't owe me anything."

"He made a statement about it, you know."

"I know," Isak says. He didn't read it. If Isak's soulmate has something to say about this whole thing that he wants Isak to know about...well. Then he can say it to Isak himself. 

"You didn't read it, did you?" Jonas knows him too well sometimes. 

"Nope," Isak confirms anyway.

"So...are we ever gonna talk about it?" Jonas asks. 

_Oh God._

"We're talking right now?" Isak's voice pitches up slightly. 

"No, I mean..." Jonas stops holding him, sits up. He gives a pointed look to the huge fucking poster on the wall behind Isak's bed. 

"What?" Isak asks, stomach tightening. "You know that's my favorite movie."

It's true. It is. 

Jonas hums, "That one?" He asks, pointing to the picture on Isak's closet door. 

"That's... my favorite book adaption," he says very carefully.

"Isak... really?" Jonas has so much eyebrow that it makes his _bitch please_ look annoyingly effective. "You're gonna pretend like they're not..." 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Isak lies.

Jonas sighs, "Okay how about that book filled with half naked pictures of him under-- " Isak slaps his hand over Jonas' mouth.

The boy looks at him with wide eyes under massive eyebrows. 

"I'm not gonna ask how you about know that," Isak says, "... but we're just gonna pretend like you don't, okay?"

Jonas nods his head. 

Isak removes his hand and they stare at each other in silence for a few seconds. 

"Dude, your biggest celebrity crush is your fucking soulmate!" Jonas yells. 

"Oh my God, shut up!" 

Isak throws himself on his back, his bed rocking with the force of it. 

From his ceiling a picture of Even Bech Næsheim - wearing one half of Isak's favorite superhero costume - smirks mockingly down at him. 

_Ugh._ Isak's fucked. 

Jonas-- because he truly is a massive asshole as much as he's the best person in the world-- fucking _laughs._ "Your life, man."

"I'm still pretending like it isn't happening," Isak admits. "That it isn't, you know, _him."_

"You're not even a little bit happy though?" Jonas questions as he lies back down next to Isak. He also stares up at the fucking poster. 

"Yes," Isak says. _"No._ I don't know. What if he..."

"Hmm?"

"What if he hates me?" Isak asks, hating how small his voice sounds. "I mean he's..." Isak gestures up at the beauty and perfection that he's been jerking off to since he was twelve. "And I'm just... _me."_

"You're his freaking soulmate, dude."

"That's what everyone says," Isak lifts his arm, looks down at his left wrist. It's an impossibile idea to him. Inconceivable. That Even's name would appear on his skin. 

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Jonas assures him. "I've got your back, bro."

"Thanks," Isak says, "Do you think I should take down the posters?" He asks, looking around the room. In retrospect, he doesn't know how he thought no one knew he was gay. It's kind of fucking _obvious_ now that he really looks around. 

"Do you want to take them off?"

 _No._ They're his Even posters. He loves them way too much. 

"If we do ever meet him," Isak says, "You will not speak a single word of this, is that understood?" 

Jonas smirks, "Aww buddy. It'll be our little secret."


	4. Radio

Isak tries the school thing again on Monday and lasts until Wednesday before his mom notices the bruises on his arms. When Isak refuses to say who did it (too many names, to be completely honest), she goes completely off the rails. 

"What exactly is the point of you if you're not going to keep him safe?!" She yells at James, that Thursday morning when he comes to pick Isak up for school with the ridiculous Mercedes Benz. The bodyguard looks both guilty and like, _sad_ and that's not fair, it's not because-- he can't exactly follow Isak around between classes like some sort of creepy shadow. 

That's exactly what happens. 

"Dude," Jonas says, when they meet up at Isak's locker. 

"I know," Isak says and tries to ignore the fully suited guy standing two meters away. James is still wearing his sunglasses. In doors. Jesus Christ. 

"He scares me," Jonas admits, voice low enough so he can't be overheard. 

Isak snorts, "That's the point, Jonas."

People sort of leave Isak alone after that. They don't really have a choice, what with the almost seven foot brick shit house following him around everywhere and - with the exception of Jonas of courses - Isak basically becomes a piriah. Then again, let's face it. It's not he Isak had all that many friends before this shit storm decended into his life. 

He's never been bullied though and he can't deny that's what's happening. The kids at school can't push him around but they sneek pictures and videos of him in class with their cellphone cameras (that they probably sell or post on Instagram for likes) and say all kinds of mean shit-- and Isak gets that it's some kind of fucked up response to their own jealousy or whatever. That doesn't make easier to hear the whispers about how much he's just a stupid little fag who's going to look like an idiot when all is said and done. 

Besides school and the constant hum of news people outside of his house and the threat of being accosted by Even Bech Næsheim's adoring fangirls and -boys, there's something else that gets added into the mix of things that fuck up Isak Valtersen's existence--

Namely, two weeks after everything first goes to hell, Isak's fucking dad decides to show up at their house. 

Isak's first instinct is to ask James to make him go away, especially when he sees his mother's hopeful, vulnerable expression. 

But that's the same reason Isak doesn't actually ask him to kick the asshole out. Also, it's still technically Johan's house even though he disappeared from it six months ago on a quest to go _find himself_ or whatever the fuck. So yeah. Isak's dad is back and him and Isak's mom are pretending like that's a completely normal and acceptable turn of events. 

But of course it doesn't take long for the real reason for his return to come to light. Isak wishes it was a surprise but it really isn't. 

"It's just an interview with a local radio station, kiddo. Nothing major and it won't even be that long. Fifteen minutes tops they told me."

Isak looks across the kitchen table to his mom but she's looking down at her lap, her fingers probably tangled together and white knuckled the way they always are when she gets stressed out. 

_You know how stressed out mama gets, Isak. Don't be difficult._

This whole thing has been one big anxiety ridden nightmare-- and not just for Isak. 

"I don't want to," he says. 

His dad insists and insists and then gets mad and starts yelling. Isak's mom isn't saying anything-- isn't helping-- and Isak can see how much she's trying not to get worked up and fall apart. 

Six months. That's how long their reprieve lasted. 

Six months where she was sad and lonely sometimes but healthy and smiling for the most part. 

Six months and then a name on some celebrity's wrist changes everything...including this. 

"I'll do it," Isak says, fighting back tears. If he cries his mom will too. "I'll do the interview."

***

"Even said that he's giving you your space and time, respecting your right to wait until you're completely sure that it is, in fact, _you_ that is his soulmate. What do you think about that, Isak?" 

_That's news._

Maybe Isak should have read that statement Even made before he agreed to go on radio and talk about this shit. 

"It's um...kind of him. To be so considerate."

"So you haven't talked at all?" The interviewer asks, an excited gleam in her eye. 

Isak doesn't want to answer the question, all of a sudden. It feels too much like he'd be giving away a piece of information that would make him more vulnerable, more susceptible to the horrible things that people say. 

He isn't sure why that is. It's just the truth, after all. With that in mind, Isak takes a deep breath before he answers the question.

"So we have-- "

"Wait," the interviewer says, looking behind Isak, who turns around and sees the producer on the other side of the glass, frantically gesturing at her. 

"Oh my heavens, guys," she says, eyes lighting up as she reads something on the tablet in front of her. "We have a caller on the line and you'll never believe who it is!" 

Isak's stomach tigthens with knots. He knows what she's about to say but even so, her words still make him go cold with shock. 

"Even Bech Næsheim just called in!"

***

Isak wants to crawl underneath the table and hide. His heart has never beat this fast in chest before. Never. 

"Hi, Even!" The woman says, "You're on the air with Ina and well... _Isak!_ Your soulmate. Say hi!"

"Hello, Ina. How's it going?" comes the deep voice, filling the air around the sound booth.

It's strange hearing it speak Norwegian. 

Isak's only ever heard Even speak his native tongue in interviews. Where he does it as some sort of neat trick. It sounds right though, it sounds...

"Hi, Isak." 

_Fuck._

Isak's not going to faint. He isn't a Directioner meeting Harry Styles for the first time. This is so not an exactly similar situation right now. 

"Hello," he squeeks out, leaning forward into the mic so his weak and shaky as fuck voice can be picked up at least. 

Even and the interviewer talk, something about the time difference and how Even's just gotten back from his morning jog. 

Isak hears the words but they sound like they're coming from very far away. 

He can't believe that he isn't feeling...excited? Why isn't he feeling excited? 

If nothing else, he has the opportunity to speak to a celebrity, someone he's admired and crushed on for years. 

And now he just feels...oddly sad. That his first time talking with Even was in a radio interview.

"Isak?" The interviewer's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. "How excited are you for this?"

_Huh?_

"He's looking forward to it, aren't you, Isak?" Even's voice says. 

"Sure," _What?_ "I am."

"Well, I've got to go now," Even says, "Bye guys and goodbye to everyone listening!"

Isak supposes the call ends there and then-- yeah. The chick goes mental, "Wow! I can't-- ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, that was Even Bech Næsheim. I just seriously talked to Even Bech Næsheim!" Isak doesn't know what his face does at that moment but whatever it is, it makes the interviewer blush and then cough awkwardly. Maybe he was giving her his _judging you_ face. Jonas says he's very good at it. 

The interview ends kind of abruptly after that, Isak basically just says, "Thanks" and "Goodbye" and then it's over. He's free. He's--

Completely _freaked out._

"Dude," Jonas says, when Isak walks up to him, feeling so freaking dazed. "I can't believe you."

"Huh?" Isak frowns. 

Jonas shakes his head. "Isak, are you sure this is a good idea?"

Before Isak can asks _what isn't a good idea_ James and Isak's parents show up and drag him out of the building. 

They go through the back, as to avoid more of Even's fans and paparazzi and shit. 

Everybody gets into the Mercedes and, from the front passenger seat, Isak's dad looks positively gleeful.

"What?" Isak asks. 

"This is amazing," he says, "I can't believe we're going to the States!"

"We're _what?"_

"Now, come on, Isak. You know you can't go over there without a parent or guardian before you turn sixteen. And your mother's too stressed out to make the trip."

No. No, what the-- 

"Mama?" Isak questions, looks at her. 

"Well...maybe it's better if your father goes with you, Isak."

"Go _where?"_

"I knew you weren't paying attention," Jonas pipes up. "You're flying to LA tomorrow! To Even!"

Isak gapes for a full thirty seconds before he can come up with a response--

When he does, all that comes out is, "No, I'm fucking not!"


	5. Midnight

Yes, he fucking is. 

Isak's flying to America, to LAX to be precise, to go meet his soulmate because, in the words of his "caring and concerned" father, _You don't want him to think you're rejecting him, Isak. This won't end well for you if he thinks you hate him._

Isak's mom, unfortunately, agreed with him and Isak doesn't understand why he couldn't just talk to the guy over the phone-- or send Even an email or something. He even knows what he'd say and everything and wrote it down last night on a piece of paper (that he put in his jeans pocket this morning for some reason). It goes like this:

_~~Dear~~ Even,_

_Soulmates, huh? That's cool. Totally but...maybe we could hold off on the whole cross continent meet and greet? Just until we're sure this isn't some collosal misunderstanding ~~where I end up looking like a complete dumbass~~_

_Anyway, big fan of your movies. Not like, obsessed or anything. But you're seriously talented ~~and hot~~_

__So yeah. Call me ~~like a normal person~~ or something ~~you asshole~~ and we can talk this thing through._ _

__Peace,_  
_ Isak ~~xx~~

Isak probably rereads it a hundred times on the flight, stupidly searching it for some clue to how he's supposed to survive this thing. When he isn't reading his shitty note, he's trying not to have panic attacks or cry or throw up. 

Isak wishes he could just fall asleep like his dad...although technically, the man's passed out, not sleeping (too many glasses of complimentary champagne that they apparently hand out in first class). Lucky for Isak, they're not seated together, even though the chairs besides both of them are empty. Obviously his father has just as much desire to be near Isak as Isak has to be near him. 

Which raises the question once again: _Why did he insist on coming along?_

It's definitely not from any parental concern-- 

If there's one thing Isak knows, it's that he isn't anywhere near the top of the list of Johan Valtersen's priorities. 

So it has to be something else but Isak's completely blanking on what that could be. It's not helping with his anxiety either. 

About six hours into the flight, he does manage to fall asleep and before he knows it, he's waking up to the flight attended announcing over the intercom that they're preparing for landing. 

Isak stomach rolls once more and, probably for the fourth time, he hurls into a paper bag. _Great._ He's going to meet his alleged soulmate with vomit breath because he isn't allowed to go to the bathroom to rinse his mouth. Isak wants to cry but he doesn't. He's tired of doing that.

The plane lands, they get off and head to baggage claim and then towards the exit where it takes a while for Isak to spot the sign that reads: _Anders Williams_ because they're being "incognito" or whatever the fuck. The idea that people would read his name on a cardboard sign and swarm him in a frenzy isn't something Isak wants to think about. So he doesn't. 

The guy with the sign shakes their hands and can't speak a word of Norwegian, which, _fair enough_ but Isak's English is pretty shit and his dad's is even worse. Anyway, it's not that hard to figure out that they need to follow him. 

They get into massive ass black Range Rover and then they're on their way. Isak isn't sure exactly where to but he's too tired to give a shit right now. He rests his head against the blacked out window and closes his eyes. He must fall asleep again because when he opens his eyes again they've come to a stop in some sort of parking garage. 

It turns out to be the parking garage of a hotel, the likes of which Isak's never seen outside of television. You know the kind-- everything looks so expensive that you're afraid to touch anything, let alone walks across it's marble floors? Yeah. It's like that. 

The driver leaves them at check in, where the man behind the counter gives them two key cards, to Isak's simultaneous relief and dread. On the one hand, it's good to know he won't be sharing an enclosed space with his father but on the other hand, he's losing the last shred of familiarity he's brought with him. Isak thanks the guy for the key and heads for the elevator.

His room, like the rest of the hotel, is extravagant and intimidating. Isak sits down on the bed and waits. He isn't sure what for. 

***

The phone on the bedside table rings about five minutes after he came into the room. Isak stares at it too long and it stops ringing. He's still cursing his bitch ass when it sounds again. This time he doesn't even let it go to the second ring--

"Hello?"

"Hi, Isak. This is Lilian Thompson," a woman says, in perfect Norwegian. "I'm Even Bech Næsheim's assistant. Even was wondering if you would like to join him for dinner in ten minutes?"

Isak looks at the alarm clock next to the phone. "It's almost midnight..."

"Yes, we're aware of that. Unfortunately Even's schedule is a bit tight at the moment so if you pass on this invitation, he'll only be able to meet with you in another couple of days."

"Okay," Isak says, closing his eyes tight and not thinking about the fact that his supposed soulmate has such a busy schedule he can't even be bothered to call Isak himself to ask him to a midnight meal. "That's fine," he says. 

"Fantastic," the woman - Lillian - says. "You'll be meeting up in the hotel's restaurant so you can simply head to the front desk and ask them to direct you. Also, this meeting will be between only yourself and Even. We have informed your father that it is taking place, of course, but he agreed that he won't be joing you this time."

"Okay," Isak says, not sure how to feel about that information. 

"I'll talk to you soon, Isak. Enjoy your dinner," Lillian says, sounding sincere. It's enough to make Isak relax somewhat, even if it's just a fraction. 

"Bye," he says, and hangs up. 

There's a full length mirror in one corner of the room and Isak heads towards it. He's wearing faded jeans, a hoodie and his beat up Nikes. He can only imagine what a restaurant in this place would look like. 

Regretting the fact that he doesn't have time to shower, he changes into black jeans (that might be a smidge too tight, _shit)_ and a white sweater. He swaps his Nikes for cleaner, black high tops, because that's the best he can do at present. Then he brushes his teeth, washes his face and runs a wet hand through his hair. He walks back to mirror and concludes that, while he probably could look better, he definitely doesn't look _bad._ Not that it matters anyway. 

No way he'd ever look good enough for Even actually to want him.

***

When Isak walks inside the restaurant, his eyes immediately find Even, sitting at a table, eyes on his phone. He doesn't spot Isak until his weak legs have carried him almost all the way toward him and when he does, his eyes (even bluer in person) widen and he jumps up from his seat. 

Isak thought he was prepared for it, for meeting one of the most beautiful people in the world, but he really wasn't. 

Even's taller in real life and his cheekbones are ridiculous. His hair looks as wonderful in real life as it does in Vogue editorial spreads and he looks incredible in dark blue jeans and a white button up. 

Isak's a bit slack jawed and he's definitely staring. And that's all he does for probably minutes. Before Even coughs and blinks rapidly and coughs again before holding out his hand for Isak to shake, with the words, "Hi, I'm Even."

Isak takes an instinctive step back and all the color drains from Even's face. 

"Oh fuck. Shit. I didn't-- sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"That's okay," Isak says. He hadn't realized how close they were standing. But it's better now. It's safer here. 

"It's..." the lighting is dimmed in the restaurant but Isak's almost positive that Even's blushing. "I mean, you're not of age yet so it wouldn't have done...but I'm sorry. That was... inappropriate."

"It's just a hand shake," Isak shrugs. "Anyone else, it would have been perfectly fine."

Even looks at him...for what feels like a long time and Isak's stomach knots up. He tries not to squirm. Even says, "But you're not anyone else, are you, Isak?"

Hearing his name leave Even's mouth is too much. It's dizzying and Isak feels way too much. He looks away from the older boy and sits down. After a few seconds, Even does as well. 

"I promise I won't try to touch you again," Even says, sounding almost ashamed. Isak doesn't like it. 

"Like you said... I'm not sixteen yet so it wasn't like there was any danger of _initiation._

"Still," Even says-- sounding majorly regretful and Isak gets it. 

Touching your soulmate for the first time is a big deal. It's sort of the biggest deal. Like an irreversible commitment sort of deal. Initiating a soulbond could technically lead to your death and while Isak probably isn't really Even's soulmate (he definitely isn't) it's still not okay for them to touch. 

A waiter shows up then, breaking the tension somewhat, handing them menus and taking their drinks orders for them. Isak just asks for a Coke and Even for sparkling water and then Isak looks down at the menu in front of him. He doesn't think he could eat. His stomach is fluttering like crazy and he just isn't hungry. It's fucking midnight!

"Listen, Isak," Even says, and Isak snaps up his gaze. "I'm sure you read my statement on this whole thing-- "

"I didn't," Isak tells him. 

"You didn't," Even repeats. 

"Dude, this thing-- " Isak gestures between them. "It's weird enough without me getting your thoughts on it from something you posted on Instagram."

"Well..." Even shifts in his chair, "Yes, I can kind of see where you're coming from."

"Can you?" Isak asks, "Because I don't know...our first interaction was you calling into a radio show? I mean...what _was_ that?"

"I had to do that," Even defends, "...you were going to reveal that we hadn't spoken."

"We hadn't?" Isak frowns. "So?"

"So that doesn't...look good, okay? People are already saying I don't want you."

"What?"

"And I can't have that out there, okay? Rejecting your soulmate isn't something the public looks too lightly upon."

"So you called in to protect your image?"

"Yeah," Even says, casual as anything. 

"And..." Isak tries to keep his voice steady. He's not sure _how_ exactly but he manages. "Bringing me over here, this is some kind of further damage control, right?"

"Sort of," Even says, "This whole situation is just easier to manage if you're here instead of over in Norway."

"Yeah," Isak nods, "Makes sense."

_Well, fuck._

"You know what?" He tells Even, "I think we've covered everything for now... unless there's something else you need from me?"

"Huh?" 

"I'm tired," Isak says, "It was an eleven hour flight and I just want to sleep. Lillian can send me... guidelines or whatever. And I'll try to follow them close enough not to ruin your life." With that he gets up from his chair.

"Isak," Even gets up too. 

"Yeah?"

"Why are you...what's happening right now?"

"I told you. I'm freaking tired, man," and fucking disappointed but that's Isak's business. Not Even's. 

"Okay" Even says. "Um...do you have my number?"

"Do you have mine?" Isak asks. 

"Yes," Even answers. 

_Then why did you never call?_

"That's good enough then," Isak shrugs, "Goodnight."

"Yeah," Even nods, "Goodnight."

Isak turns around and leaves and--

Feels oddly better. 

At least he knows why he's here now-- 

_This whole situation is just easier to manage if you're here instead of over in Norway_

And that's fine. Really.

It's completely fine because in three weeks, he'll turn sixteen and someone else's name will appear on his wrist...

And this will all be over and Isak can forget all about this mess, forget Even Bech Næsheim...and move on with his fucking life.

It won't be a moment too soon.


	6. Shelf

Isak doesn't need to be here, essentially on his own in a foreign country and a foreign city. Stuck in an expensive hotel he's too afraid to step outside of and not even sure if he'd be allowed to...

There's no reason for him to endure this hell. 

Like Jonas keeps telling him:

 _It's not official, Isak..._

It's true.

Even Bech Næsheim isn't Isak's soulmate, there's no way that's true and-- even if by some miracle (or cosmic joke on Even) Isak does turns sixteen and the dude's name appears on his wrist--

Well. It hasn't _yet._

Isak has no obligation, legal or otherwise, to put up with any of this. 

He's still fifteen and no one can force him to stay here, day after day, in this hotel room. No one except a parent, that is...

He tries to tell his father that, asks, "Can we go home? I just want to go home..." when he eventually catches up with him, knocking on his hotel room door and finally getting an answer, a week into their stay in Los Angeles. 

Johan laughs in his face. 

He's drunk. That's the first thing Isak noticed. It's the middle of the day and he's completely wasted. He also has lipstick smudged on his collar, in two different shades and he's blocking the door with his body. He won't let Isak inside the room.

"We're not going _anywhere,_ kid."

Realisation hits and Isak wants to vomit. 

His dad has been getting fucked up and doing God knows what else. Even-- or Even's "people" whatever the fuck-- they're funding this. Johan's crazy LA adventure. Because, as long as he's happy, he will keep Isak here. As his parent, he can force Isak to stay in America until Even's name does or doesn't appear on his wrist. 

Isak walks away and back to his room and hours later, he's desperate enough to _try_ reasoning with his mother. He calls her but--

He doesn't realize it's three in the morning in Oslo. Not until she tells him so...

"Is everything okay, Isak?" She asks. 

Isak shuts his eyes really tightly, breathes and says, "No, mamma... everything is not okay."

She sounds confused when she tells him, "But I spoke to your father and he said everything was fine. What's wrong?"

This is what's wrong:

Isak sits in his hotel room every day. He sits alone for most of that time. He flicks through channel after channel of American cable television and resists the urge to Google his or Even's name. Or reactivate his social media accounts.

What's wrong is that Isak hasn't talked to Even since that first night. 

He hasn't talked to anyone really... except for Jonas, who he lies to and plays down a lot of the ways this all sucks...

He says a few words to the guy who's brings him food he didn't order, three times a day, and to Even's assistant, who's called three times since that first night and, as far as Isak can tell, just to make sure he hasn't run away yet. 

But no one else.

Isak knows he can't do this any longer, knows he'll go out of his fucking mind.

He doesn't know how to tell his mother _any_ of this. 

"Tell me about the first time you and Pappa touched," he says instead. 

It's silent for a long time, all Isak can hear over the telephone receiver is static that covers miles and miles and crosses oceans. Then his mother tells him, "It was immediate...as soon as we met and saw each other's names, we did it. That's just what happens, Isak."

"And now you can't go back," Isak says, "You're stuck with him for the rest of your life."

"Don't think of it like that," his mother says. 

"You can die," he says, "You touched and now...if you try to break the bond it could kill you. You don't think that's a little messed up? That you can never be free again?"

"Where's this coming from, Isak? You know how the world works. It's always been this way."

"Soulmates are stupid."

 _"Isak..."_ His mom sounds so shocked. So completely horrified by his opinion. 

It's not really his opinion. 

Isak wants to believe that the universe engraves people's names on each other for a reason...

He wants to believe there's a purpose to all of this...

"No, I-- " he sighs, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

His mother seems to consider her words for a while...

Then she asks, "Have you and Even not been getting along?" She sounds so disbelieving. Like the idea of "soulmates" not getting on is completely ridiculous to her.

Isak thinks of her relationship with his father and wonders how she can still sound like that. 

_It doesn't matter,_ Isak wants to say. _He's not really mine._

_I haven't seen him since that first night._

"It's good," he lies. "He's nice."

"Very handsome," his mom says. Isak can hear the smile in her voice. He never imagined this. That she'd be this happy at the idea of Isak having a boy for a soulmate. He doesn't want her to sound sad instead.

"He is," Isak says. It's the one true thing he can tell her about Even. "He's beautiful."

They hang up not long after that and Isak returns to his channel surfing. 

Two more weeks...

Two more weeks and he can return to his life.

***

The phone rings Isak awake.

He rolls over and picks it up and expects it to be the assistant, Lillian. 

It's Even. 

"How have you been?" The actor asks. 

For a few minutes Isak is too stunned to respond...

When he does, all he can get out is a weak, "Where have you _been?"_

As if Even owes him something...

He doesn't. 

It's a minute before Isak gets a response.

"Working on my new movie," Even says, easy as anything. Like he hasn't left Isak-- his supposed soulmate-- alone in a hotel room for a week. 

"Oh," Isak says. He feels odd. He hasn't talked to anyone in so long. He feels starved for this. Conversation. Not with Even _specifically..._ but just in general. "What's it about?"

"Well...it's a romance."

Isak likes those the least of all of Even's movies, has never liked seeing him kiss other people...

His crush is so stupid and embarrassing and it's a good thing Even will never know about it. It's a good thing Isak's decided he's over it too. 

"What kind of romance?" Isak asks, even though they're all the same: Boy meets girl. They're soulmates. There's some kind of obstacle that they overcome. They do overcome it, of course, and everyone lives happily ever after. Because the alternative is unthinkable...

They're it for each other. You can't have a love story with someone who doesn't carry your name. You don't reject someone who does.

This is simply the world they live in. 

"I play a guy with a terminal illness,' Even says, "...who meets his soulmate and-- then he refuses her touch."

Because she could die too...

_Gosh._

"That's sad," Isak says, surprised at the ice building up in his chest. 

"Tragedies make for good love stories," Even tells him.

"But they touch in the end, right? They bond and she survives his death but never loves again..."

"You're gonna have to wait for it to come out and see how it plays out."

Fair enough. "I suppose so," Isak says. 

It's quiet for a while...

And then Isak realizes he's having a conversation with Even Bech Næsheim. 

The guy who's delusional enough to think that Isak is his soulmate. 

Who's cruel enough to put Isak on a shelf until it's confirmed. 

"Isak..." Even sighs, "I wish..."

"What?" Isak asks, feeling kind of breathless. He doesn't know why. 

"I wish I could see you..."

"Why can't you?" Isak asks, the words leaving his mouth without his permission. 

"You don't understand what it's like," Even says, "Not yet."

"You're right," Isak says. "I don't understand _anything."_

"I'm sorry," Even says. "I have to go."

"I want to go home," Isak tells him, feeling like a fool for how his voice breaks. 

He couldn't really admit it to Jonas. 

He couldn't admit it to his mother. 

But to the last person he should be telling this in the whole entire world...the words just slip out. 

"I want to come home," Even says, in the exact same tone of voice. 

For some reason it makes Isak feel brave. "I don't think I'm your soulmate," he finally admits. "There's some kind of misunderstanding."

To his surprise, Even laughs, "If you only-- trust me, Isak. There isn't a misunderstanding."

Isak doesn't believe him. "I don't believe you."

"Do you _want_ to be mine?" Even asks. "Do you want to be my soulmate?"

"I don't even know you." It's true. 

Once upon a time, weeks that feel like forever ago, Isak was under the delusion that he did. That he'd seen so many of Even's movies, interviews and read all these articles about him. He posted all those pictures on his wall...

And then he met an idol and became disillusioned. 

Now he's talking to a boy on the phone. 

A boy he knows he knows nothing about...who's convinced that Isak's good enough when he just isn't. 

"It's not me," Isak says again and hangs up the phone. 

Lillian calls an hour later. 

"Even wants you to be on set with him. You'll head out tomorrow afternoon, okay?"

Why does she say that like Isak has a choice? He obviously doesn't. 

"My father?" He asks. 

"He said it would be okay if you went along without him. He's staying in LA."

"How much money have you given him so far?"

Silence. 

And then a very awkward, "Isak, we are just-- we're doing our best to ensure you both have a comfortable stay here."

Sure. "Where's Even shooting his movie?"

"San Diego," Lillian says. Isak only has a rough idea of where that is from here. "Be ready at ten tomorrow morning."

"Okay," Isak says. 

He isn't excited to see Even. 

"I'll be ready."

He isn't. 

Why would he be?


	7. Heat

So the weather in California hasn't been an issue, not for one second while Isak is sequestered away in a perfect temperature controlled hotel room or while he was making a two plus hour trip to God knows where in a luxury sports utility vehicle with great air-conditioning. But then. _Then._ Fucking hell. Isak's sweating. Like he's never sweated before. It's disgusting and completely ridiculous because he's only been outside in this blistering heat for maybe...ten minutes?

He's thirsty too and panting a little bit as he tries to keep up with Jenna (perky blonde chick who picked him up at the hotel and drove him here) as she navigates them around busy looking people who's eyes Isak is dodging as best he can and really fast golf carts(?) that zip by them and through scaffolding that looks slightly precarious and like Isak shouldn't touch or disturb them unless he's trying to die today. He already feels like he's dying though. Heat stroke is a thing, right? Fuck. 

"Isak?" Jenna turns and spots him, braced with his hands on his knees, trying to keep breathing and not keel over. She frowns down, "Are you okay?"

"I um..." Isak stands up, hands on his hips and then blows a curl off his forehead. God. He just knows his hair is all frizzed out and ridiculous looking. Where the fuck are they going? "How much longer until we get..." To wherever the fuck. He makes a vague hand gesture and, sure enough, Jenna gets the message. She smiles bright and she isn't sweating even at all. Isak maybe hates her a little bit. 

"Oh, it's just..." She looks around them for a moment and then breaks out into the widest fucking smile that Isak's ever seen on someone's face. "Oh, gosh. Over there!" And then she's bounding off into a different direction and Isak follows along after her. It's about a minute later that he gets close enough to see the apparent reason for her excitement. Standing a few meters away and leaning against what Isak can only assume is an "on-set trailer" is Even Bech Næsheim. Isak stops dead in his tracks. 

Even hasn't seen him yet, he's too busy talking to some older guy but Isak--

Isak sees a guy-- a person, if you will. That is really tall and is wearing really tight blue jeans. And a thin grey t-shirt. And black Ray-Bans that hold his perfectly coiffed blonde hair away from his perfectly gorgeous face. It's _him._ Even. That Isak is seeing. This is weird. He did meet the guy. Granted, it was a very short (and very disastrous) encounter but Isak has _seen_ Even Bech Næsheim in the flesh before. Right? No, he has, _definitely,_ so Isak doesn't get why he's suddenly so struck by the fact that, like...

This is really-- 

He's actually looking at...

"Even!"

Even's attention turns away from the older man to Jenna, who's practically bouncing on her feet in excitement. 

"Hi," he says to her and then, immediately looks past her, eyes searching, "Where is..." until they find Isak. 

Who really wants (as much as he wants to turn around and run in the opposite direction) to move his feet forward and go over there and say hello like a normal person (one of them needs to be). He's decided. He's doing this and they're going to talk and Isak is going to tell Even to stop being a dumb ass and let him go home. This is stupid.

He doesn't move. 

Isak just stands there like an idiot, looking at Even 

**(Even! OMG!!!** the _should-be-dead-but-isn't_ fanboy inside his head screams at him) 

Even who's looking back and looking so good that Isak wants to find a cliff and throw himself off of it. 

If he faints, he could probably pass it off as heatstroke right? He's Norwegian. He isn't used to the uh...heat. The weather. It's hot here. Is the thing. 

"Hello, Isak."

Even's in front of him. Like. In front, in front. Not all the way over there anymore. 

He's not _that_ close but he's _closer_ and he's smiling at Isak and it's strained and nervous? (what in the actual hell, _why?)_ but he's still smiling at Isak and giving him an expectant look. Waiting for...oh right. Words. Isak knows words.

"Hi," he says, it comes out a few octaves higher and a lot softer than he thinks he intended but Even's smile stretches a little bit more. Isak feels like he's two seconds away from making an idiot of himself, doesn't understand why he's feeling like this.

Even is still all sorts of bad things and a jerk and he brought Isak across oceans to keep him from making trouble... or something like that. Isak's mad at him. He really needs to remember that or he's going to be in _so much_ trouble.

"I'm glad you're here," Even says, blue eyes alight with nerves (again, what the fuck?) and maybe...happiness? (Bullshit. Complete bullshit, Isak. Abort thought immediately! Unless...)

"Where you can keep an eye on me," he nods. That's why Even is happy to see him. Makes sense. "Gotcha. Makes your life easier, I suppose."

Even's smile falters. Good. It was doing unfair things to Isak's insides. 

"I...well. You must have been getting bored," he shrugs. 

"Yeah, you know where I wouldn't have been bored?"

Even purses his lips, pretends to think about it, "Back home?" He asks, and for a second Isak's too surprised to respond but he recovers quickly.

"Exactly," he says, he stands up straighter and stops fiddling with his fingers. What the fuck. He needs to stop acting like an idiot. 

It's just Even Bech Næsheim. Douchebag actor who Isak had a crush on a few weeks back that he's thankfully gotten over. 

And also, the guy who totally screwed up Isak's life. 

"I don't want any of this, okay?" Isak says, feeling a sudden rush of anger build up inside of him. He grabs onto it with both hands. It feels safer than the hundred other things he could be feeling. 

"I know," Even says, he bites his lip and there's a moment that stretches between them where Isak gets the feeling like Even's trying to search for the right words but he's looking down at Isak and it's hard not to squirm under his stare and _not_ feel all those hundred other things. 

Before Even can find whatever it is he's looking to say, Isak beats him to it. 

"So what's the agenda?"

"Um..." Even blinks at him. "Agenda?"

"You said I must have been bored and that's why I'm here so...how are you planning to keep me entertained?"

Even smiles again (Isak's stomach doesn't flutter, _fuck off)_ and says, "Well, you're on a film set, that's gotta be kinda cool, right?"

"I guess," Isak shrugs. It's at least _kinda_ cool and maybe a bit more than that but fuck it. No. "Okay, not to be an asshole but we need to clear some things up." 

Like how Isak can't just be put away and forgotten about. Not again. Not unless they want to find pieces of him splattered on a hotel room's walls because his head exploded from frustration. Fuck.

" Maybe you're not the person I should be talking to about this, actually," Isak adds, the idea occuring to him as he says the words. "Where's Lillian?"

"She's uh-- around," Even says. He frowns. It looks adorable on him. Isak narrows his eyes. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I'm tired of being strung along like this," Isak says, and... 

Even isn't listening. He isn't even looking at Isak.

"Even, are you-- "

"Shit," Even says, and Isak turns around just in time for a flash to go off in his eyes. Damn.

"Shit, come on. We'll talk in my trailer. We shouldn't have been..."

"What?" Isak asks, feeling dazed by the sudden sensory onslaught. Where did all these people come from? And why are they just standing there pointing their phones at them?

"Isak, I kinda want to drag you away but I obviously can't do that so please just... Come on."

"Okay," Isak looks away from the crowd.

He falls into step next to Even, who's furiously typing on his phone, probably a text or something. They reach the trailer and Even puts the phone away and opens the door for him. Isak climbs up and inside and makes as much space for Even to step inside as well. Then he takes a few more steps back for luck. 

"Sorry," Even says, "They know better than to do that. Or they _should."_

"What?" Isak asks, "The people with the camera phones?"

"Crew or extras, I don't know. They'll get fired over this but I suppose they think the pay day is going to be worth it. Fuck. I'm sorry. The photos won't go out anywhere."

"You're sorry?" Isak frowns. 

"Our first time being seen together by the public is too important for it to-- " Even's phone goes off with a notification. He reads the text that came through and gives a relieved breath, "Crisis averted."

"What do you mean?" Isak asks. 

"Security handled it so-- "

"No, I mean _our first time being seen together in public..._ is this another imagine thing?"

"In a way, yeah," Even says, he looks past Isak, deeper into the trailer. "No, this isn't going to work either. I did _not_ think this through."

"No shit."

"Hmm?"

Isak makes a frustrated sound. Even's eyes widen. "Look, I know you're obsessed with your image-- "

"I'm not obsessed with my image," Even frowns, offended. Oh, boy. Delusions abound.

Isak sighs, "But I'm a person, okay? Not just someone you can like-- fucking control or whatever!"

Even's mouth falls open, "What?"

"You're right, you didn't think this through at all if you think that-- "

"Oh, shit. No. _Isak._ I meant being in a relatively small space with you!"

Huh? Isak looks around the massive trailer. There's an almost full kitchen and two sofas. He's pretty sure there's a double bed behind the curtain a few meters away. "This is small to you?"

"Oh my God," Even sighs. "We're not allowed to touch and this-- " he gestures at the space around them, "Not good for those set of circumstances."

"Oh," fuck it. Isak forgot. "Good point."

"So we can't stay here anymore. We'll have to rent an apartment or a house or something."

Hold up. _"We?"_

"Yeah," Even says, "I want to be around you," casual as ever, taking out his phone again. "Help yourself to anything in the fridge. I'm calling Lillian to organize us a place."

"Us?" Isak repeats dumbly.

Even gives him a look like he's being slow. It lasts about five seconds. Isak's very offended. 

Then Even grins (Isak's heart breaks a little, it's fucking devestating) and says, "Yes, Isak. _Us."_ He brings his phone up to his ear and winks-- fucking _winks_ at Isak-- before starting a conversation with Lillian and Isak's fucking gone. 100% Done. He needs...space. Even's right. 

This trailer is fucking crowded as fuck. 

"He's an ass, he's an ass, he's a total and complete ass..." Isak whispers under his breath as he rifles through the fridge for a bottled water. His throat is fucking dry and it's so fucking hot in here. How is he only now noticing that? Also...weird. Shouldn't Even's fancy trailer have aircon? _Semantics._ From behind him Isak hears, "You know I can hear you, right?"

Isak closes the fridge and breathes and opens his water and takes a big gulp before he shrugs, "I don't even care," he admits. "Literally the least of my problems right now."

Even blinks at him...

"You're quite curious," he says and then simply goes back to his talk with Lillian, turning his back to Isak. His very nice, broad back that Isak stares at, trailing his eyes down and down until he finds--

_Dear God in heaven..._

Isak chokes on his water.

"You okay?" Even asks, sounding all sweet and concerned. Isak likes him _so much._ No. 

No, he doesn't. 

"Fine," he tells Even. And himself, "Just a bit hot in here, that's all."


	8. Green

Isak tries not to be overwhelmed by the luxury of the place that Even tells him they'll be living in (together) (oh, God)

Since that one, faithful morning he's seen-- the inside of luxury cars and what first class looks like in an airplane, stayed in a hotel room that belongs in a mansion and earlier today there was that trailer that was so dope Isak could have happily set up shop there (as long he wasn't unwillingly trapped inside an enclosed space with his previously favorite actor). 

Basically he's seen a lot of shit that's like something out of a fucking movie but this place, this apartment, it takes the fucking cake. By a mile. Holy shit. 

_Be cool, Isak._

"I suppose that's one good thing," he mumbles under his breath. 

"Hmm?" Even looks back from where he's been scrambling in the fridge for... something, Isak doesn't know what. "What was that?" The actor asks. 

"This place," Isak says, looking around at the open floor scheme on the lower level. Living area, dining area and kitchen, all combined to be the size of Isak's house. Go up the stairs and you'll find two massive bed-- and bathrooms. "It's so huge that we won't even have to see each other."

He sees the way Even's shoulders tense, very slightly...wonders if he offended Even by simply implying that, like Even, Isak doesn't want to spend time with him either. Well that's too bad. The guy can't really be expected to endear himself to Isak by ignoring him for a week, leaving him to go out of his mind in an hotel room. Although...shit. Being left alone here probably won't be any better. Speaking of which, "So you're going to be filming all the time, right? During the day?"

Even closes the fridge carrying some stuff. Not edible stuff. No, like. Not _immediately_ edible stuff. Uncooked stuff. Shit. "I can't cook," Isak says. 

"Oh," Even smiles, and it's lovely so Isak's stomach does a weird thing. "I could show you?"

"Huh?"

"You can watch me make dinner if you like?"

Wait... _Even_ is going to cook? He doesn't expect Isak to? 

"You can...cook." For some reason that information is fucking with Isak's head. Why would Even Bech Næsheim know how to cook? Doesn't he have a bunch of professional chefs or whatever. 

"Yeah," Even says. It's definitely just a trick of the kitchen's lighting that makes it sort of look like he's blushing. It's cute and Isak doesn't like that. "And I've got a couple days off actually," Even says, starting to cut up various vegetables. Isak can see onions and bell peppers and mushrooms. He's oddly interested in what Even will be making. Which is why the actor's words only register a few seconds later. 

"You're not going to work?"

"No I..." Even shrugs his shoulders, "I was going to ask you what you would like to do."

"Wait...I get to have an _opinion_?"

Even rolls his eyes, "Don't be a shit. Of course you get to have an opinion."

Yeah, that's news to Isak. _Whatever._

He turns around to leave the kitchen-- he doesn't care what Even's making, he decides-- and he doesn't care that Even is acting nice to him all of a sudden. 

He's just making it worse by pretending he gives a shit about Isak...when it's been obvious he only cares about his reputation and this whole soulmate thing not fucking things up for him. 

Isak doesn't even care that Even finds him, about an hour later, having a sulk, face down on a massive bed, the pillow under his face only slightly damp, _thank you very much._ So what if Even thinks he's a baby? When this is all over, his opinion won't matter all that much to Isak anyway. Not that it matters _now._ It doesn't. 

"Food is ready," Even tells him from where he's standing just outside the doorway. He sounds... concerned and... Isak hates how much he wishes it was real. Hates how badly he wants to be around someone who genuinely cares about him. 

"I'm not hungry," he tells his pillow. 

"Isak..."

Isak's chest hurts. 

His name shouldn't sound like that coming from Even's mouth. It shouldn't carry uncertainty and worry and like, _longing_ but it does. Of course it does. Even is, after all, a very good actor. 

Isak should remember that... but like with every one of Even's performances he temporarily falls for it. Maybe that's okay, maybe he can let himself enjoy it. Take comfort in it. For as long as it lasts. 

This isn't real, none of it is. But maybe Isak can pretend as well. 

"Okay," he tells Even, "Just give me a minute."

"Okay." Even sounds relieved. 

Isak washes his face in the en suite and then goes out into the kitchen. He finds Even seated at the counter instead of the large dining table. It makes sense because it's just the two of them. Isak doesn't know why the sight surprises him. Even's made pasta--

Pasta with sause that didn't come out of a can or a bottle. It's more than Isak is used to, to be completely honest. His mom tries her best, he knows that, but it's not easy for her and he doesn't expect her to spend hours in the kitchen every day. God, he fucking misses her. 

The pasta is good. He and Even eat in silence and every few minutes Isak can feel the older boy's eyes on him but he doesn't look up from his plate. 

Isak doesn't like the idea that he's being scared, cowering away from this-- from Even or this situation-- and he _won't._ He just needs a little time... to figure out how he's supposed to deal with it. Then he'll be back to himself and everything will be fine. 

Even rinses their plates and Isak stands around for a few seconds before he decides to go. He considers going back into his designated bedroom but he's self aware enough to know that wouldn't be good for him. He can stand some company right now-- even a pretty boy actor's. Wow. Somehow that has become a hardship for Isak. _How is this your life?_ He wonders, half amused.

Isak's on the couch, flicking through TV channels when said pretty boy actor edges closer. Of course Even takes one of the sofa chairs instead of joining Isak. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"What?" Isak asks, stops playing with the remote to look at Even. Who's sitting with his legs crossed, looking at Isak with an open, friendly expression. He looks good because he's Even so of course he does. 

"Earlier you said that we needed to talk about some things."

"You remember that?" Isak frowns. Even opens his mouth, hesitates. Then simply nods his head. 

Isak did want to talk but that's when he was all fired up from being isolated for a week and then dragged across cities and now he's here, _with Even._ And he doesn't know how he feels about it yet. He sort of hates that he doesn't completely hate it. He should. His survival depends on it basically. 

"I was just going to bitch at you about how I'm bored and shit. Last week sucked."

Even's eyebrows draw together, "It did?" He asks.

Isak nods, "I was all alone in a strange country and a strange hotel, Even."

At this, the actor frowns even deeper. "I don't-- What do you mean, _alone,_ I thought your father was with you?"

Isak goes still, his whole body going completely frozen... _Fuck._ He forgot. No-- not like-- He didn't _actually_ forget but he forgot (he isn't sure how) that it's not a thing that Even knows... about how Isak's dad couldn't give less of a fuck about him... how being somewhere with him is the exact same thing as being all alone. Isak bites his lip and looks down at his lap. He's trying to come up with something that'll fix this and make him seem less pathetic in front of Even. He's coming up blank. 

After another minute, Even says, "I'm sorry that it sucked. I'll...um. The next week will be better, I hope. And the one after that."

Right. Two weeks... 

"And then it's my birthday," Isak says. "And I can go home."

Even sighs, it's annoying how it almost sounds amused. A sigh shouldn't sound amused. "Yes, Isak. You'll turn sixteen and leave your soulmate. That's totally what's going to happen."

Isak rolls his eyes, "I told you already-- "

"It isn't you, _yes,"_ Even nods. And then he's lifting his right hand, bringing it to his left wrist and undoing the strap on his huge, expensive looking watch. Isak's eyes go wide.

"What are you doing?"

Even just raises his eyebrows at him, _what does it look like I'm doing, dumbass,_ and takes off the watch, putting it down gently on the end table next to him. Isak averts his eyes. 

"I'm going to come and sit next to you but I won't sit too close, okay?" _No, that's not okay. That is so not..._

Even sits down, just like he said. Not too close. 

Isak tries not to but he can't help it. He lifts his eyes and he looks. 

He knew what he'd see there, his name (even if it isn't really _his_ name) and...

There it is, in a pretty cursive script, two words: _Isak Valtersen,_ shimmering bright green against the pale of Even's wrist. 

**Green.** Even's soulmate has green eyes. 

It's a coincidence that shouldn't break Isak's heart but it kind of does. 

"It's pretty," he says, still unable to look away from the soulmark. It's not _pretty_ it's fucking gorgeous. 

Isak's seen soulmarks before, of course he has, but Even's seems better than all the others almost like-- 

It's alive... Like the words are moving on his skin, kinetic with their potential, their meaning and all it's implications. Isak knows his own could never be as beautiful, not if...

Not if it isn't Even's name. 

Not if doesn't match the soulmark in front of him. 

Isak looks up and meets Even's eyes. **Blue.** He wants that color on his skin. This all hurts so fucking much.

"Do you see it now?" Even asks, voice soft. Isak shakes his head. Even is wrong. Isak knows he is. 

This time when Even sighs, it's sad. Not a lot but still. "Soon," Even says, looking down at Isak's bare skin. 

_I hope so._

Fuck. 

Don't do this to yourself, Isak. 

"Do you _know_ how many Isak Valtersens there are in the world?"

Even smiles, blue eyes bright and sparking. "I only know one."

That's the problem.

"I only want one," Even says, his left hand moves, crawling closer to Isak's...who watches it... and watches it. Even as he knows he's supposed to pull away. He should pull away. 

Even catches himself well before their hands touch...and Isak let's out the breath he didn't know he was holding. 

He hears it as Even does the same.


	9. Touch (Pt. 1)

Isak wanted him to stay Even Bech Næsheim-- wanted him to keep being the impressive actor who's performances suck Isak in every time, regardless of the character he's playing...the guy who's so devestatingly handsome that just looking at him on a TV or computer screen for an extended period of time, was enough to give Isak a stomach ache from how much he yearns... for someone who seems so charming and so nice but has a propensity for questionable behavior... that Isak pretends he doesn't read and watch videos about on gossip websites. 

Even Bech Næsheim is someone that Isak wants, sure he does, and in ways that he doesn't really understand and doesn't imagine feeling about anyone else, any other person... even if it's someone he'll actually meet one day, someone he'll know. Someone who's supposed to be his perfect someone and someone he's meant to be perfect for in return and it's okay though, it's fine... even if it worries Isak, sometimes, how strongly he feels for someone who will never be a part of his life. 

Isak is used to wanting Even Bech Næsheim.

He doesn't want _Even._

Isak has met Even and Even thinks that Isak is his soulmate and that's...a whole thing in and of itself but...it makes him act strange towards Isak, like...he _does things_ for Isak-- 

Makes him food, for example, and asks him what he'd like, wants to know what his favorites are, he'd make it, anything Isak asked him to. _Anything, Isak... really._

Even asks Isak if he wants to go out somewhere, into the city to do something together, and when Isak frowns and asks him _why_ they would do that, he laughs, a little awkwardly (Even Bech Næsheim has never seemed awkward) and says, he'd just like to spend time with him, okay? _Is that allowed Isak?_

But the worst thing that Even does is this. 

"Come on, Isak... I'm just trying to get to know you."

Three days into staying in the same apartment and... Isak is tired of it. 

Seeing how shit Even is at hiding his disappointment-- when Isak won't give in, won't tell him _something_ and reciprocate the unasked for pieces of information Isak's received from him-- about things like his moms, how excited he is to go back to New York in a few months and spend time with them and his baby sister and what his favorite books are, favorite movies, and how he thinks he'd like to open an art gallery in San Francisco someday and that he likes photography and plays the guitar and tries to write songs even though he can't sing to save his life. 

"I uh-- I can sing," Isak says, finally gives an inch, and tries to control his stammering heartbeat. "I mean, I'm not _great_ or anything but..."

Even lights up... like Isak just gave him the key to the freaking universe or something and it's a good sight, does things to Isak's insides, and makes him feel about as happy as it makes him afraid but he wants more of it, he thinks.

He's tired of putting that disappointed look on Even's face. 

So they go to a karaoke bar the next night after everything is arranged through Lillian and it's okay, actually. 

There's no one else besides the two of them and some staff members to make them food and make sure they don't wreck the place. Even doesn't seem to find it weird so Isak goes with it. He tries not to laugh through Even's renditions of _(I've had) The time of my life_ and _Killing me softly_ and then he gets up there himself and raps/sings _Where is the love_ and blushes bright red at Even's enthusiastic applause. They eat chicken wings and fries and drink beer that both him and Even are too young to legally have in this country. 

Even poses for photographs and signs autographs for the bar's staff, the two guys and the girl who had the misfortune of putting up with his bad singing for an hour, and it's one of the surrealist experiences of Isak's life. He doesn't realize, not until the driver stops in the basement parking lot of the apartment complex, that they've talked and laughed the whole way there. He goes quiet after that, knows Even notices, but the actor doesn't say anything about it, doesn't call Isak out on his sudden silence. 

When they get inside of the apartment, Even asks, "Do you want to watch a movie?" 

Isak wants to say, _No, I don't,_ because every second spent with Even makes this infinitely harder but instead he nods his head and they watch a movie about an assassin starring Natalie Portman as a kid.

Isak is a talker during movies, so is Even if he's seen it more than once, so the quiet from earlier doesn't last for very long. 

The movie ends. Even says, "I'm filming tomorrow."

"Okay," Isak says and yawn and stretches, careful with his arms, not to get to close to where Even is sitting next to him, "God, I'm tired."

"Do you want to come on set with me?" Even asks. 

Isak hesitates. "Won't I distract you?"

"I mean," Even smirks, "You're definitely pretty enough that it would be a challenge-- " Isak doesn't blush, he _doesn't,_ and instead rolls his eyes. Even's been doing that more and more. Telling Isak stuff like that he's cute and he likes his smile. Isak hasn't told him to stop it, even though he should. 

"--but I think I can handle it," Even nods his head. "I'm a professional, you know."

"Like _Leon,"_ Isak says and Even laughs, even though that joke was fucking lame. 

It's four days later that they're in the car, heading back from set, when Even seems to think really hard about something for a few seconds...

Then he says, "Isak, I hope you know that...you can totally do your own thing. Start school again or whatever. You don't have to..."

"Don't have to..?"

"I like having you around," Even smiles, "...a lot but I understand that you want to have your own life too."

"I like being on set with you," Isak shrugs, "When I get bored, I just chill in the trailer and play video games with Ally or Nick," he says, referring to the two crew members he's gotten the closest to these last few days. They never mind keeping him company. Isak was a little weary at first but he's actually been getting along really well with a lot of people who work on the set. 

"And besides," he adds, "I'll get back to school when this is over and I go back home."

Even's face goes slack, for a moment, with what looks like shock... and then it shifts again, going completely blank.

It's not an expression that Isak's ever seen on his face before and it settles like a weight on his chest, and in his stomach, how much he doesn't like that look on Even's face. 

"Yeah," Even says, voice hollow. "Okay."

Isak's heart sinks a little deeper. 

Even doesn't talk to him for two days. 

Isak tries, he really does. He makes jokes and like...he even tries to talk about himself, about his life back home. About Jonas and the classes he likes and music and stuff and Even listens, always. And he always seems interested but he doesn't ever talk back. Not _really._

It's exactly a week before his birthday when Isak asks, as they're sitting at the counter, having dinner together, "Even... do you hate me now?" 

Even drops his fork in his plate, _"What?_ No! God, Isak. No, I don't."

Isak swallows down his relief. "Then why have you been..I mean. You don't talk to me anymore."

"Oh," Even looks guilty, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to think that I-- that I hate you or something. I could never hate you."

"Did I do something?" Isak asks, and he knows what he did... but he doesn't know _why_ that upset Even so much. Isak talked about going home again all the time and it never seemed to affect Even. Not like this. 

"Look, I...I don't doubt that you're my soulmate, Isak. I don't want you to think that because I _don't,_ not for a second."

It's hard to pretend like those words don't mean anything and Isak only barely manages. He thinks.

"But you..." Even waves a hand at him, "I mean. You're supposed to feel it too. That's how it's supposed to work. You're supposed to look at me and just...I don't know. _Just know_ and I know you don't have your mark yet so you can't know for certain that it's me and that's okay but I'm just scared, Isak."

Isak's scared too... _perpetually_ but he tries to be brave for a second and asks, "What are you scared of?"

"That you'll..." Even sucks in a breath.

Then he does it-- something he's not supposed to do. 

He touches Isak...

Even trails his finger along his pulse and Isak shocks, his whole body. Shivers and shudders all over. _Holy shit._

He should pull back. 

He doesn't. 

It's not going to do anything, he knows that. Logically. He isn't Even's soulmate and even-- even if he _was_ it wouldn't count, wouldn't bond them bcause Isak isn't sixteen yet but...

Even touching him like this... where his name is meant to appear...

It's too much for Isak, he can't handle it. 

He pulls away. 

Even looks at him, like he expected nothing more than for Isak do that. 

"I apologise," he says, not sounding very sorry, "That was inappropriate."

Isak holds his arm to his chest, his pulse beating in time with his racing heart. He licks his lips. "What are you scared of?"

It's a minute before Even answers.

"You don't feel it now," he says, "What's to say you'll feel it when you turn sixteen? What's to say you won't just walk away and never let me touch you again?" 

That could happen, he's right. It could. 

Except that Isak _does_ feel, _has_ felt things...

Things he-- that he couldn't describe--

Things that scared the shit out of him-- 

For years.

For _Even Bech Næsheim._

For this figure, completely unattainable... one that Isak will never know, never meet...

For as long as he's been aware of his existence. 

Isak's gotten used to it-- watched his movies and his interviews and stared at the posters on his wall and burned inside with longing and the knowledge that it wouldn't mean a thing. 

Not when he longed for someone who's oceans away... in world that Isak doesn't belong to and never will. 

It fucking hurt, so much, knowing Even was out there and would never want him back the way Isak wants him. 

So he-- 

He got good at it... dealing with it. He accepted it. 

It's Even fucking Bech Næsheim and it's just a celebrity crush and... he'll never have Even. _Never. Never. Never._

But that's okay. It's fine.

Because he isn't Isak's soulmate. He can't be. He just _can't._

Isak's accepted that and... it isn't fair for Even to ask him to go back on that and make it hurt again, make him hurt all over. Isak won't survive that. He won't. 

"I wouldn't do that to you," Isak says, and okay, yeah. It's true enough. "I wouldn't be so cruel as to deny you the chance to be with your soulmate, Even."

"What about _you,_ Isak? Why would I deny you the chance to be..." 

Even breathes deep and says, "The chance to be with someone you love... the way that I love you?"

Isak wants to cry-- or run away. 

Hide, maybe. 

Until this week is over and they're both put out of their misery. 

"You don't love me," he tells Even. "You're just projecting your feelings about _your_ Isak onto me."

Even laughs and it's bitter and defeated. 

Isak did this to him. 

"Okay, Isak," he nods, pushes his food away from him and gets up, "Well, who knows... maybe I'll have better luck with him then. Goodnight."

Isak hates the other Isak _so much_ even though Even thinks he doesn't exist and when Even walks past him, so close that his bare arm brushes against Isak's-- whether on purpose or by accident-- 

Isak's nails dig into the palm of his hand, so hard it would bleed if Isak just pressed a little harder. 

He does. 

He can't allow himself to touch what isn't his.


	10. Admission

Even isn't there. 

Isak didn't even look for him at first. 

He'd gotten up in time, took a shower and when Even wasn't down stairs, like usual, waiting for Isak to head for the film set together, Isak had sat down at the kitchen counter and poured himself a bowl of sugary American brand cereal and waited. 

He realized that Even left without him-- without saying anything-- when, half an hour after finishing his breakfast, Isak was still sitting at the kitchen counter, still holding his breath. He stopped waiting after that. 

Of course, that's when he hears the door open... Isak gets up-- maybe a little too fast, hitting his shin on one of the stools-- and goes to find Even standing just inside the door, frozen, staring at Isak with wide eyes, like he's the one that's surprised to see Isak. No, but like, _Where the fuck else would Isak be?_

"Where were you?" Isak asks, sounding more than a little rude, he isn't even sure why that is, and Even blinks a few times, like he's coming awake or out of his previously frozen state, to give Isak a look like he's stupid. 

"Went for a run," he says, and okay, Isak can see now why Even would maybe question his intelligence because it's kind of obvious. 

Even's wearing a grey t-shirt, that's essentially translucent from moisture and low hanging sweatpants and his hair is dripping sweat onto his forehead, his whole body glistening from proof of his physical exertion and Isak gulps and... breathes through the urgent tug in his stomach. 

It's familiar, while also being infinitely worse than it's ever been before. He feels light headed with it, weak kneed, the works and this is, perhaps surprisingly, the first time something like this happened. Even frowns in concern. Isak would totally take a moment to appease that concern, tell Even's he's _completely fine, don't worry,_ if he wasn't scared that something completely different would come out of his mouth if he dared to open it. 

So he just turns around and walks, runs upstairs, locking himself behind his bedroom door. 

He only gets about five minutes before Even's there, knocking and demanding that he open up but that's fine since Isak only needed three to get off. 

He does feel a bit grumpy about his afterglow being interrupted but he thinks he could at least face Even now without wanting to climb him like a tree. 

Isak opens the door and immediately realises he overestimated his willpower on that front. Then again, he can't actually imagine ever _not wanting_ to climb Even like a tree. It's really fucking annoying. 

"Hello? What do you want?"

Even's express flickers between concern and annoyances and then back to concern. "Isak, what-- what's wrong with you? You look flushed. Are you sick?" 

Isak notices his hand clenching at his side, like Even's trying to resist reaching out to feel his forehead and check if he has a fever. It's oddly endearing. Isak does have a fever, but he definitely isn't sick. Not that he's about to tell Even that because--

Yeah, then he'd have to explain that just looking at Even-- flushed and sweating from his run-- got him so hard, so fast, that he felt like he was going to pass out or fucking _die_ if he didn't immediately get his hand inside his pants. Isak's pretty content with Even never knowing that. 

"Fine-- I'm fine. I just forgot something in my room and...came to get it. And I'm flushed because I ran. Up the stairs. So..."

"What did you forget?"

"Huh?"

Even folds his arms across his chest, gives Isak _a look_ and Isak's eyes narrow. Even doesn't need to be giving him any _looks._ He isn't even being suspicious or anything. 

"What did you forget in your room?"

"My iPod," Isak says. 

Even startles, "You have an iPod?"

"Why do you sound so suspicious. Why can't I have an iPod?"

"I didn't know people still have iPods."

"What the fuck, Even? Why wouldn't people have iPods?"

"I don't know, do they even still _make_ those?"

"I don't know," Isak says, "But I have one, so..."

"So you have an iPod," Even nods his head. Isak waits but he doesn't say anything else.

"Was that all?" He asks. "Are we done talking about iPods?"

"Sure," Even says. "I'm going to take a shower and then we're going out."

"To set?"

"No," Even turns around.

"Then where?" Isak asks but Even doesn't answer him.

He closes his bedroom door, Isak closes his own and leans his back against it, closing his eyes and wishing the ground would swallow him up. That encounter probably ranks in his Top 3 _Weirdest Moments With Even Bech Næsheim_ but it could have been so much worse... 

Twenty minutes later Even knocks on his door for the second time that day. Isak opens it up to find Even wearing shorts and a threadbare t-shirt and a bright smile that makes Isak's feel warm all over again. He's also very confused because Even doesn't seem mad at him anymore. Or annoyed at his existence. 

"Where are we going?"

"The beach," Even declares, his smile stretching even wider. "Have you got swin trunks? You can borrow some of mine?"

Isak in Even's trunks. Yeah, that's just gonna bring back the situation from earlier. "I don't need trunks, I'm not swimming."

"Lame," Even says, "But whatever. You're still coming so at least wear some shorts or something."

"I don't have shorts, Even."

Even gives an exasperated sigh, a bit too fond to resemble any real frustration. "I told you-- borrow some of mine. Now," he claps his hands together, "Let's go."

"To the beach," Isak deadpans. 

Even grins, "To the beach," he confirms. 

***

It's a private beach (of course it is) and Isak watches, amused, as Even swims around like he's an excited kid and not eighteen years old.

Isak's amusement ends abruptly, when he walks a little too deep into the water and Even splashes at him, making him wet. He calls Even an asshole and Even laughs and Isak bites down on his bottom lip to keep from laughing with him. 

There's a club house on the beach that they go to later in the day and Isak gets chocolate and vanilla ice cream and Even gets five different flavors. None of them complementary. 

"What?" Even asks, at Isak's frown of disapproval.

"Mango and peanut butter," he says. "And cheesecake."

"You want some?" Even asks, holding his spoon out to Isak. "The rasberry and the bubble gum are also really good."

"That's disgusting, Even."

Even rolls his eyes, "I'm very sorry you're so boring that you can't appreciate variety, Isak."

"Why are you being so weird?" Isak asks and Even just shrugs and turns to walk back to the beach front. 

"I'm not being weird," he says, "Come on, let's go walk along the beach. We can hold hands and everything."

"We are _not_ holding hands, Even."

"That's okay," Even winks at him. It's a terrible effort. "We'll work you up to it."

 _"So_ weird," Isak says. 

Even holds out his spoon, silently offering Isak some ice cream again-- and okay, isak can admit that maybe the cheesecake flavor isn't that bad. 

The peanut butter is disgusting though. 

***

They go to the museum the next day and Sea World the next but Isak gets depressed at the sight of all the captive animals, which is unexpected but, according to Even, _... completely fine, Isak. It's okay if you don't want to stay._ Even takes him to what he says is his favorite restaurant in San Diego. 

People there recognize Even, whispering and staring as they make their way through the place to a private room in the back of the restaurant and that's when Isak remembers-- for the first time in three days-- 

He's been hanging out with a famous celebrity.

_Huh._

The starstruck waiter leaves their table after taking their drinks orders. Isak takes that as his cue to ask, "Dude, why didn't anyone come up to us at the museum or yesterday at the park?"

"I was wearing a disguise," Even tells him, whispering all conspiratorial like. 

Isak frowns, "You were?"

"Of course, Isak. I had on a hat and sunglasses and everything."

"That was supposed to be a disguise? I thought it was just because we were outdoors and the sun's out"

"Exactly!" Even beams, "So it's not even out of place. Genius right?"

"That's so stupid, even with that shit, you were obviously still you."

"Obviously I was still _me,_ Isak."

"Don't be smart, you know what I mean. So it's that easy? To not be recognized?"

Even shrugs, "People don't expect to see a celebrity or whatever at places like that so I get away with it a lot-- hanging out at museums and gallerys and dingy movie theaters."

"So why have you been dragging me along to them?" Isak asks, what he's been wondering about for days. "And why haven't you been on set?"

"I just felt like it," Even says but Isak doesn't believe him. 

"For real, Even. What's all this about?"

"I can't just want to chill with you? Have some fun while you're here?"

_Wait._

"While I'm here?" Isak asks. He doesn't know why his voice sounds strangled like that but it doesn't look like Even notices. 

"Well, you're leaving in a few days."

_Right. Of course but..._

"You uh-- you believe me then? That I'm not..."

"My soulmate?" Even asks. 

Isak nods. 

"You know when-- when I said I love you and you immediately threw it back in my face?"

Isak nods again-- he wouldn't have put it like _that_ exactly-- but he can't deny it's what happened. 

"I thought about that a lot," Even says, "...that night and I shouldn't have said it. I mean, it's true. _God knows_ it's true but... I put pressure on you. I've _been_ putting a lot of pressure on you and..."

"And what?" Isak asks.

Even opens his mouth to answer but hesitates, as the waiter comes back into their line of sight, carrying their drinks.

Once he's left them alone again after taking their food orders, Isak asks again;

"And _what?_

"It doesn't matter that you're my soulmate," Even tells him. 

"It doesn't matter?" Isak asks, and kind of feels like his heart might be shattering. It's stupid that it hurts but it does and he doesn't understand why-- all of a sudden-- it doesn't mean anything to Even. Or no, he does. 

It's his fault. He was too harsh that night. He hurt Even and now-- 

Now Even doesn't want him anymore. 

"No, wait..." Even shakes his head, "I didn't mean it like that. It does matter if you are but it just doesn't matter that much if _I_ think you are. Of course it matters if you _are._ It just also matters what you think and I don't know if I'm making sense...

"Look," he says, holding up his hands as if to placate Isak, "... you think you're not my soulmate and I'm respecting that-- trying to, at least. So no more pressure. I don't expect you to believe me," he shrugs.

"And I mean, like I said, you can choose to leave after your mark comes and you probably will but yeah...it's your choice in the end. It's fine as long as you're happy-- obviously it's not _fine_ fine but it's okay. Not like anyone's going to die or anything."

"No," Isak says, "Not if we don't touch after..."

"Exactly," Even nods. "No real bond, no real consequences. You can just leave," his hand makes a vague waving gesture, "...and we'll never see each other again."

"That's not..." 

Even gives him an expectant look. 

"That's not how it's gonna go down though. You'll see that-- that it's not your name and then you won't even care if I leave because you'll be looking for your real soulmate."

Even actually laughs at that but it's soft and indulgent, not even a little bit cruel. 

"I don't really know how this works, Isak," he says, "I don't know how much of what I feel for you is because of some invisible pull that the universe created or if it's just because of everything that you are that makes you perfect in my eyes and some force greater than ourselves recognizes that and writes it down on our skin as a final confirmation. 

"I think it might be the second thing because I know-- I know that's not how the world works and it would never be possible but I think...that. It doesn't matter who's name you end up carrying-- you'll still be you and everything that you are, how beautiful and frustrating and smart and kind, it would still make me want you-- still take my breath away. 

"So... no, Isak. I'm not going to just go looking for someone else. I'm going to be fucking crushed when you leave me. Whether or not you leave here knowing that I'm yours or not."

They're in the car, on their way home, when Isak tells him--

What's been playing on his mind ever since Even's speech in restaurant. 

"I wish you were."

It feels like giving the last piece of himself away to Even. He'll regret this... or maybe not. 

He'll probably regret this. 

He looks at Even and says, "I want you to be mine."

Even smiles then, brighter and more beautiful than anything Isak's ever seen and maybe it will be worth it. This memory and making Even so happy with a simple, obvious admission. One Isak's been keeping close to his chest since he got here...or maybe even before that. 

_But you're not._

Isak doesn't say it, instead he tangles their fingers together and smiles back. 

_You're not my soulmate._

It's not something Isak wants to say to him ever again. 

***

Three days later Isak wakes up on his sixteenth birthday.

He stares down at his wrist and knows...

He'll have to say it again.


	11. Mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late *insert monkey covering eyes emoji*
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)

Isak lies in his bed and stares at his bare wrist and thinks he might throw up. There's nothing. 

_Nothing._

He'd imagined...so many different possibilities. He'd even reluctantly (stupidly!) conceived that Even could be right. That they were-- that everything would be...

But this wasn't one of the scenarios. 

He's a blank. Isak, he's...

_Blank._

No soulmate or not--

Not one who's alive (yet or, even more horribly, _anymore_ ) but that doesn't matter. Isak doesn't care. 

He doesn't care that his soulmate has either not been born yet or already died. 

He just cares that it isn't Even. 

It's not Even. 

He rushes to the toilet and dry heaves, there's nothing coming out. He's on his knees for long minutes before he remembers. He was too sick with nerves to eat last night. His chest hurts, his stomach hurts and he wants to, God does he want to, but he can't even cry. 

His phone is vibrating on his nightstand. 

He can hear it from the bathroom. It's either Jonas or his mother. Maybe his asshole of a father wanting to wish him a happy birthday. _Happy_ birthday. Okay. 

It's his mother. 

"Mama?" He croakes into the phone. 

"Isak, I've been trying to call for hours," she laughs. Isak closes his eyes. "I actually managed to forget about the time difference in all my excitement."

"Oh," he says. 

"Happy Birthday!" His mom declares. And then asks him if he's excited for his mark to appear. _What._

"No, mom. There's..." Isak can't say it. He can't tell her there's nothing. He swallows and it hurts. 

"Oh, Isak," she says, "I know you're unsure but I promise it will be okay. What are you and Even doing today?"

"I uh-- "

"I suppose you're going to have a lot to talk about once your mark comes in. What's the time there now? It should be in about six hours, I think," she says, sounding breathless with excitement. "...little less, I suppose. It's just gone past 15:30 over here."

"Mom, wait. _Wait._ What are you saying?"

"You were born at 21:21," She answers simply.

And just like that, Isak remembers. 

_21:21._

He isn't sixteen yet. 

He isn't--

He stares at his empty wrist again. 

_Not yet._

For the life of him he can't remember what is said between him and his mother but as soon as they hang up the tears come. They come _hard_ and Isak struggles to breathe. His head aches painfully and he recognises this for what it is. He's this close to having a panic attack and he needs--

He doesn't know what he needs. 

No. No, he knows. He _knows._

He knocks on Even's bedroom door-- loudly-- and the older boy opens up for him within seconds, eyes wide, worried. Isak throws himself at him, hugs him close. Even's arms fall around him, his hand is in his hair and he's sushing him and Isak--

Isak thought it wasn't him. He _really_ thought it wasn't him and he's confused because he already thought that. Didn't he? He was convinced it wasn't Even since the moment he found out but then he woke up and stupidly _stupidly_ panicked and now he realizes that he was lying to himself all along when he said he knew it wasn't Even. He lied when he said he didn't have hope. He lied.

"It's okay," Even keeps sushing him. "You're alright, sweetheart. Everything is fine."

"It has to be you," Isak tells him. He doesn't care anymore. He just feels so fucking much and all of it is for Even. Always for Even. "Please, it has to be you."

He's still shaking as Even drags him over to his bed and sits him down. Isak makes a pathetic wounded sound when Even let's him go. He smiles at Isak. Soft and loving and everything Isak wants forever. He has to have it forever. 

"Presents," Even declares. "I need to get-- " and Isak couldn't give less of a fuck about presents but he doesn't want to be rude... 

So he watches as Even goes to his wardrobe and pulls out...a huge bag. And another. He comes back and sits on the bed, setting the bags between them. He's wearing a blush on his cheeks and tells Isak, "Happy birthday, Isak."

Isak's never wanted to kiss anyone this badly in his life. 

He shakes himself out of it. He's gotten ahead of himself enough today. 

He watches as Even pulls out parcel after parcel, terribly wrapped in bright pink wrapping paper. Like he did it himself. It's heart-renchingly endearing and Isak feels his own cheeks warm up. 

Even got him a lot of stuff. Just way too much, there's...a new game console and a bunch of games and a bunch of addidas hoodies, the entire Tarantino filmography (Isak mentioned he was a fan like one time, _in passing_ ) and the most beautiful leather bound journal that has Isak's name embossed on it. In the same script as it's written into Even's skin. 

_His_ name. It has to be. It has to be Isak's name. 

"Thank you, Even."

"You're welcome," Even smiles at him. Isak hugs him. 

And well...he stays pretty touchy-feely through most of the morning. Then Even wants to make him "birthday pancakes" and Isak reluctantly let's go of his hand. 

He knows why he wants to, needs to touch Even this bad. 

If (when) Even's name appears on his wrist, they won't be able to touch again. Not until (unless) they agree to be like, each other's forever and ever _I want to be with you until I die_ person. That's a pretty big deal and not just something you like, _do._

Isak takes the time that Even's distracted at the stove to take out his phone and do a quick time zone conversation.

21:21 in Oslo is 12:21 in San Diego. 

Four and a half hours more. 

"I think I'm too nervous to eat," he tells Even, who gives him a comforting smile. 

"Try for me," he says, "...you didn't eat last night either."

"Because I'm _nervous,"_ Isak reiterates.

"They're _birthday pancakes,_ Isak. You have to eat them on your birthday."

"Technically it's not my birthday yet," Isak says, looking at his wrist. When he looks up again, Even's eyeing the same spot. 

He opens his mouth and Isak thinks he's going to ask when-- _when_ will it come in. But he doesn't, instead biting his lip before cutting off a piece of his own pancakes and offering it to Isak on his fork like he did days ago with his ice cream at the beach. Nevermind that Isak had his own ice cream then and his own pancakes now. 

"Tarantino marathon?" Even suggests-- after it becomes apparent that Isak's ate all that he's willing to be force fed. He nods his head and they move to the sofa. Isak snuggles into him, shamelessly burrowing his face into Even's neck. Even holds him very tight. 

"I'm going to take a shower," Isak says, hours later, when they've finished Jackie Brown and made it halfway through Pulp Fiction. Even gives him a quizical look but then his expression changes. He swallows thickly and nods and let's Isak go. 

"I'll be down here when-- um. If you need me," he says.

"Okay," Isak says. 

He does go take a shower, gets in at 12:15 and stands under the stream with his eyes closed.

He doesn't look. 

For a long _long_ time he stands there with the water beating against his face and closed eyes and he doesn't look. 

The water goes cold and Isak shuts off the tap with his right hand. He still doesn't look. 

He towels off and gets dressed and somehow manages to keep his eyes off it still...

But.

He can feel it. 

It's there, he knows it's there. It's buzzing and alive and Isak checks the time to be sure. It's almost 13:30. 

He gets dressed and goes down stairs. 

Even jumps up from the couch when he hears him come in. He looks pale and stressed out but Isak feels oddly calm. 

He looks at Even and holds out his arm, showing off his left wrist. He doesn't look down. He looks at Even. He watches Even.

Even's eyes fall, staring at his mark-- 

When Even looks up at him-- with wide, blue eyes-- bright with love and longing-- Isak knows.

He knows he wears their color on his skin.

"I really wish I could touch you now," Even says and Isak laughs, joy bubbling forth. 

He shakes his head because no. 

Even _can't._

He can't because--

Isak looks down at his soulmark for the first time. 

_Even Bech Næsheim_

Even's eyes are dark when Isak meets them again. They're hot and searing into Isak. Into his soul. His breath catches. 

His stomach flutters. 

His dick twitches. 

_Shit._

"This no touching thing is going to suck, isn't it?"

Even laughs. _Happily._

"I really love you," he says. 

Isak blushes, smiles and believes him. 

He can't say it back, not yet but...

Even's answering smile says he knows.


	12. Look

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, lovelies. Real talk, idk how often I'll be able to update but I have a new chapter that I wanted to share so I hope you guys enjoy it. ❤

For a couple of days, Isak is a mess. 

In an okay way. 

_Mostly_ in an okay way. 

It's all Even's fault (because obviously) but the thing is that he's always looking at Isak when they're around each other (which is obviously all of the time) and _looking at Isak_ like the fact that Even can't put his hands on him makes him need to constantly keep his eyes on him instead while smiling or grinning at him. 

_Constantly._

Seriously, it's like Isak just being around for Even to laugh and stare at is enough to give him an endless supply of joy and happiness. That sounds weird and arrogant maybe, sort of conceited and, again, _weird_ but Isak can't find it weird because he's in the exact same predicament. 

Just being around Even, it's like everything else fades away and there's nothing left inside him except for all of his love for Even and like...devotion and shit. 

For two days. 

And then Even goes quiet. 

Out of fucking nowhere, it seems. Isak just goes into the kitchen for breakfast one morning and Even's already there (he usually is) and he offers Isak some of the oatmeal he made and after Isak accepts it, he doesn't say a word to Isak.

Isak talks-- rambles on about a Marvel super hero show they binged on Netflix last night-- and Even just stands there...looking at Isak. And there's a slight smile playing on the edges of his mouth like he can't quite help it but it's obviously strained. So are the lines around his eyes and Isak is suddenly too afraid to ask what's wrong. 

Even gets a call to go to the film set this morning. He says that Isak can stay or come with -- whichever he wants is fine with Even -- and then he rinses his coffee mug and leaves Isak in the kitchen alone to panic. 

Though, honestly... Isak's not entirely sure why he is.

He elects to go with Even, because being around Even is better than not being around him, and spends most of the day content with watching Even shoot for his movie.

It goes like that the next day and the day after that and then it's a week since Isak's had anything resembling a proper conversation with his soulmate. 

He's pretty sure that isn't normal but he figures it's worth it to check with Jonas on Skype to see if he knows whether it is or not. 

"I don't know," is the first thing that comes out of Isak's friend's mouth after his panicked rambling has stopped. "But it sounded like you're happy, dude," Jonas continues. "Ever since your mark appeared, you said you felt... " 

"I know," Isak says, "I have. I _do_ which is why it's so frustrating. It's great. Even is great. It's fucking amazing but I just...I want. I _need_ more, okay?"

"Oh," Jonas says. And smirks. He's smirking. 

"Why are you smirking?"

"Am I?" Jonas asks. 

"Yes," Isak nods. "Why?"

Jonas laughs, "What's it been like, Issy? Being around Even? Being in the same room as him?"

"Great," Isak frowns. It's fucking wonderful because... "Even's awesome. And funny and nice and good and..."

"Okay. Jesus Christ. I'm gonna stop you before you go any further with this epic poem about your true love..." Isak has the decency to blush. "But I meant... more in the sense of... _you know."_

"Know what?"

"You know what."

"I don't."

"Seriously Isak?"

"Jonas, what? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"

"Sex, Isak! I'm talking about sex."

Sex. 

Right. 

_That._

Okay, so. It's not like Isak forgot. That would be fucking impossible, like. Just look at Even. 

Which Isak has been doing _a lot_ of because Even is gorgeous, right. Just like, hands down, the most beautiful being ever created. And of course, whenever Isak looks at Even, he wants to put his hands _everywhere_ on him. Which makes it hard for Isak to sometimes be in the same room or breathe the same air as him but then again, it's _Even_

And being around Even is better than not being around him.

So Isak's just sort of...worked really hard at ignoring the urge to touch him. Because he can't. Touch Even. Touching Even isn't even a possibility because then 

\-- the things is -- 

then their souls will be wholly and completely tied to each other, no take backs, forever and ever and nothing could ever change that. Fuck, that... 

That's fucking incredible. 

_"What?"_

Even looks so completely blind sided, and shocked, that Isak can't help but laugh, giggle really. 

Even's face softens at the sound, his own lips coming to match Isak's smile, seemingly involuntarily. 

He sobers up again pretty quickly, however. 

"You... you want us to _touch?"_

"Yes," Isak says, tying to suppress his smile. He wants Even to know he's serious about this. That he means it more than he's ever meant anything. 

"But Isak..." Even runs a hand through his hair, making Isak's fingers itch to do the same. It's been itching _for days_ and it's thrilling to finally acknowledge that to himself without being completely petrified by the consequence. 

"You're a baby," Even says, "...you're only sixteen. We can't." 

He says this, so sure, so definite, that it actually annoys Isak. 

_What the hell?_

"Sixteen is not a baby! What are you talking about?"

Even's hands go up. Placating gesture. It just annoys Isak some more. 

"It's an irreversible commitment, Isak."

Yes, but... 

"I'm of age, I can legally consent..."

"This isn't sex, Isak," Even says, and he will never know how much just that word leaving his mouth does to Isak. Or maybe Isak's face does something weird because Even blushes immediately. "I mean... what I'm saying is that it's not... It's not _just_ sex. You know that right?"

Isak only barely resists the urge to roll his eyes. "I'm aware of what it would mean, Even. You and me, forever. Come on, we've probably done this a million times in other lifetimes and universes."

Even laughs, not unkindly. It's soft and indulgent and caring. It's as lovely as he is. "You believe in that stuff?" He asks, voice filled with curiosity.

"Not before you," Isak admits. "I didn't understand how something so out there... could be this real. Feel this true. Not until I met you."

"Oh," Even nods his head. It's obvious he understands what Isak's saying... but Isak doesn't know if that's because he feels it too. The same way Isak does. Even sighs, "Still. You're so young..."

"So are you," Isak tells him. "You're only two years older than me, you know."

"That's not...an insignificant amount of time," Even points out. Isak isn't about to fight him on such a weak point. 

"Even, listen to me. This is me telling you what I want, okay? That's all. I'm not trying to convince you to do this or change your mind if you're not ready. But I'm telling you the truth. _I_ want this. I want you. Always."

"You're sure?" Even asks and Isak nods.

"Yes," he says. "I'm sure." 

And Even just looks at him. 

Looks in that way he's been looking at Isak ever since his name appeared on his skin. Like a brand... a claim. Like _that._

So Isak asks him, "Are you?" and waits for an answer.


End file.
